The Struggle is Real – But Is It Yours?

Five Reasons You Need to Stop Fixing People

My phone is ringing off the hook. And I’m thinking hard about my next move. Should I ignore it? Should I throw the phone? Drive over to her house and slap some sense into her?

Don’t we all have at least one of these people in our lives? That person that we love to death, but is SO DRAINING! That person who has SO MANY PROBLEMS, and somehow, those problems become ours, too?

Let me be clear on this. We all need to stop. Women are natural caregivers. Let’s face it- we pretty much all have “the fixer personality type.” But it’s not serving you, or them. Let me give you five reasons why:

You are stunting your own growth.

Most fixers CRAVE approval and affection. And if you’re willing to constantly drop everything in your life to fix other people’s lives, you’ll get it. But at what cost? You need to learn to be happy with yourself while doing the things that make YOU happy – not what other people want you to do.

People stop realizing that you need help sometimes, too.

It’s the WORST, isn’t it? People get so used to you always having the answers that they never realize that you sometimes have questions, too. They see you always caring for others, and never in a position to need care yourself. Trust me. There is at least one person in your life who is willing to give you the support that you need – as soon as they realize that you have needs, too.

You are crippling the other person’s growth.

You complain about how the people in your life can’t get their “ish” together, but YOU are part of the reason why! What incentive does a person have to grow up if they know you will always fix their problems? None. And if you don’t believe in the person to get it together, they probably don’t believe in themselves, either. Give them a vote of confidence, and take a freaking step back!

They aren’t going to listen anyway.

People will only change when they are really and truly ready. And they usually have to reach a pretty low point to get there. And if they’re still pretty comfortable because they have people (i.e. you) to bail them out, they aren’t there. That means two things: 1) They don’t really want advice; they want to be bailed out. 2) They’re only going to listen to the advice they want to hear, and ignore everything else.

It keeps you from being present when you really and truly are needed.

Seriously, how many times do you need to hear that saying about not being able to pour from an empty vessel? Learn to prioritize. Put yourself first. Then, if you CAN help while maintaining your own sanity, be there for people when they have serious problems. And STOP bailing people out of the little things they can fix themselves.

Originally published at

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