The Resentment of Not Saying “NO”
“Let me just help them one more time.” If you’re saying that statement instead of “I cannot wait to help them!” You probably shouldn’t. Here’s why, Beauty. You are pleasing. Not for you. For someone and something other than YOU. And that is not okay with me.
Now, you might be asking yourself, “Well, I can’t always enjoy moments in my life. Sometimes you just have to help people whether you like it or not.” But… Do you? Honestly. I ask you with sincerity. Why can’t you live each moment in truth? Why can’t you just say NO? Most of the time, ladies especially us, it’s because we have been conditioned to people please. We have been conditioned to give compliments when we don’t really mean it, to entertain because that’s what is expected. I say the last one because growing up in a very big, loud, obnoxious Italian family women entertaining is a major one. I mean just recently the men in our family started helping out with dishes after holiday dinners. GASP, right? Again, these ways have been conditioned. BUT it doesn’t mean you have to stay this way. Helllllll NO! Learn to say NO.
If your body doesn’t light up it is a NO. If your tummy constricts when someone asks you to do something it is a NO. If you get irritated when that someone comes around for the hundredth time asking for something of you, you need to STOP enabling them, and say NO. Trust me, if they really want it they will eventually lure someone else into helping them. Do YOU a favor and start the practice of saying NO.
Resentment comes from people pleasing. End of story. You think you are the nurturer the person everyone goes to because you’re good at helping. It’s what you do. That’s great and all but do things for people when you offer. DO things for others when you genuinely want to. That little bit of resentment of them asking, of you having to spend your time doing that instead of something that drives your soul is the energy coming back to you.
I am letting you off the hook of being there for everyone. Say NO, Beauty. Make yourself your priority. DO only what lights you up and ignites that flame of passion you have for yourself before you give it away to anyone else.