The Real Reason Why People can be Mean and Unkind

You wonder why they do the things they do, why they say what they say. And the reality is we can't change them unless they are willing and ready to change. But we can change the words we say to ourselves because our words make our world. Kindness starts with us.

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matthew Henry
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matthew Henry

When we have no happiness within, we have no happiness to give others – Ajahn Brahm

Everytime someone is mean or unkind to me, I remember this simple truth: 

The reason why people are mean is because they’re not happy. They’re miserable AF. (excuse the language)

We tell ourselves – “It’s not about me. It’s them.” 

Unfortunately, these people either aren’t aware that they’re in an unhappy place, or they are aware and they hide it because it’s a sign of weakness. Or possible they don’t know what to do or how to change. 

There are 3 solutions to every problem:
Accept it, Change it or Leave it.
— Buddha

I wish I have the solution to cure all the unhappiness in the world.

I wish we can go up to every mean person and tell them to be kinder and do more yoga as if, yoga will solve everything.

I wish I can cure all bullies, mean aunties, rude taxi drivers, wife beaters, paedophiles, verbal/emotional abusers , horrible bosses, self-entitled colleagues, all-knowing friends/family, Trumps, dictators etc.

The best I could muster is to wish them severe diarrhoea behind their back.

I don’t have all the answers but I know for a fact that – 


However you can change YOU. 

The one person whom has been most unkind to you is 


Photo Credit: Unsplash/Matt Collamer

It’s hard to be kind to others when you’re unkind to yourself.
— Sophie Sanders

I’m not pretty enough.

I’m not good enough.

I’m not worthy.

[Cue the violins]

My stories never stop playing in my head. 

I caught myself very recently feeling miserable after coming home from a Bachata night, because no one asked me to dance and my prettier and younger girlfriend got asked more. 

It’s funny when I look back at what I say to myself because it’s not the truth. Why am I so mean to myself? Come on, Sophie, you know better.

I know better. I know that the stories will never stop but I have the power to change the ending. 

The real truth is 


I forget sometimes, which is why writing has been a gift to me. I’ve the opportunity to check in with who I really am and who I want to be for others.




We can’t change those Mean and Unkind people out there – but we can change every unkind words we say to ourselves. 

Let’s start with this first, one kind word at a time.

“Our words make our world.
— Baron Baptiste

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


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