What Falling in Love Feels Like….
We spent the evening of our first date going to a nearby grocery store, as he wanted to cook his best Italian dish (risotto) for me. The mandanest things like watching him cut vegetables or having fruits felt romantic with him. We naturally held hands like it was instinctively. Our hands fit like they belong together. With him, I felt like a high school girl, shy and unsure about how to kiss and if I was doing it right. And when we did, it was magical. I wanted to be entwined and engulfed – every part of me was wrapped up and lost in his embrace.
Time wasn’t in our favor. When we were together, time sped along and night came too soon, making parting from each other so much more heart wrenching. Each kiss good bye made me yearn for him even more. We shuffled our schedule around and made each other a priority. Whether it was a brief coffee date or accompanying me to get a pair of reading glasses (I still don’t want to admit that I need them!) to shopping for clothes (for him!). Every moment together was filled with passion and excitement. The yearning for more was like having a decadent chocolate that you couldn’t resist. But like with many love stories, this too was short lived.
I poured my pain of my marriage onto him, as my separation was fresh and raw. At times, the pain became overbearing. He being the best listener and confidante, soothed me endlessly. Calls in the wee hours of the night used to be about us and how we’d dream about going to Paris together (because I hadn’t been). But soon these calls were replaced with painful cries. He became the therapist that he hadn’t signed up for. I was so naïve not to realize that it would take a toll on my new relationship. The calls started to reduce, the flirty messages gradually came to a halt and before I knew it, he was a faint memory.
I always thought love takes effort and that actions speak louder. While that is true, falling in love is instant; you don’t even know when it hits you. When it does, you feel scared and yet brave; you feel like you’re floating and yet completely empowered because this feeling you have has the ability to overwhelm and surround every part of you.
While this relationship was short lived, it was a beautiful expression of love. Love doesn’t have to be life long and nor do we need to wait till we say our vows to feel sure it is love.
Even though this experience of love has left me, the feeling stays forever. To all that believe in love, it doesn’t hurt to give yourself to love because the feeling can fuel you in other ways – like writing!