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The Power of Boundaries: How Being Selfish Can Help You Thrive and Heal

Love yourself before you love anyone else. Everything you see in others exists in you. What you admire you can achieve. What you respect you can accomplish. What you desire its already yours.

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What I’ve learned through my experience is that as much we might have been beaten in the head to be nice and kind, people-pleasing will get you nowhere. 

Boundaries are an interesting word and the simplest way I can explain it is: always put yourself and your needs first and before anyone else’s no matter how hard it feels. 

Otherwise, you regret things, you resent people and you beat yourself up for not getting what you want.

A few days ago in the tube, I saw a book launch announcement on a billboard and it said something like this: “Some are born into power and others take it.”

Love yourself before you love anyone else. Everything you see in others exists in you. What you admire you can achieve. What you respect you can accomplish. What you desire its already yours. 

“How do you find self-love?

You dig. You isolate and you ache from being lonely. You heal. You accept, you look in the mirror and see God.” 

Malanda

You. Must. Take. Your. Power. Back.

From what’s expected from you, from what you think you should do, from what you have been told you are capable of, from what others think is right, from what you think will fit, from what you think needs to be done for you to achieve something. 

Boundaries are learned and reprogrammed. Why? Because if you want something more out of life than what you are told you are supposed to have then you will, you must, behave accordingly. 

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” 

Brené Brown

For me boundaries are essential for many reasons, the main one being that my inner circle is tight, the people allowed in are few and in between for many reasons and my space is untouchable. However I’ve had to learn about this, I’ve had to love myself enough to say no and to learn to let go. 

What’s for me will always circle back and find it’s way to me. What’s not for me will pass, teach me and move away. The more I grow, the more I raise, the stronger I become, I understand that it’s never about them, who or why, it’s always about me.

Like a whisper in my core: it’s you or them? What do you choose? 

And I will always choose me. 

Yes, it can get lonely. 

Yes, it is tough.

Yes, there are secondary effects.

Yes, you must ask for help if you need it.

But always remember that your happiness and wellbeing comes before anybody else’s.

You teach people how to treat you.

What you tolerate sets the tone of how people will behave around you.

Only a ruler gets the right to determine the world they live in.

Your inner kingdom, you are the master, you are the alchemist, you are the Sun and this is your world. 

When things get blurry and my mind starts playing games clinging to situations that are not on my best interest, people who are supposed to leave, to outcomes that aren’t what I expected or wanted, when the shadows play around and try to confuse me, I zoom out, from the places, from the people, zoom out from the city, the country and then the planet. The same way you zoom out on Google Maps, I see the world, the planet, the planets, the Universe and I remember, I remember who I am and then I can come back and laugh. 

This doesn’t mean I stop wanting what I want, it only means I know healing will take time, I understand my cravings, desires and the hunger of the flesh, I can observe and detach myself, feel whatever it is that needs to be felt and move on.

Being present isn’t easy, my advice? Take it one day at a time. 

Have a powerful why and it doesn’t matter what your why is as long as it helps you. Some might say be selfless, I say fuck that, be selfish as fuck. Put your needs and wants before anything else, you don’t have to justify what you see to anyone else, risk walking on your own, risk leaving the pack, risk being ostracised, risk being called out, risk being insulted, risk it all, risk everything for a dream only you might see, and the right people will find you, everything will take care of itself, you just need to commit it all, body, mind, soul, your whole spirit should be focused on one thing, that thing you know you can’t live without. 

Boundaries feel like walls when you aren’t used to saying no.

They feel weird when you don’t want to seem confrontational.

They feel bad when you are used to be a nice girl/boy.

Remember that good girls and boys finish last.

Mind shift: I don’t need the world. The world needs me.

Watch how reality starts to morph. It’s always working out in your favor. Even when things are falling apart, they are just coming together. 

You do you, boo.

But thinking someone is above you is a self-defeating idea that only leads to that bitter aftertaste in your throat, the acidic flavor of self-betrayal.

Be kind, be understanding, be compassionate and be there to listen, however, you come first. 

Be nice to yourself first. 

Healing is not forgetting or deleting what you did while asleep, healing is confronting it, being ok with it and being aware of your power of choice now. Forgive yourself and keep moving forward!

“We are the mirror, as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste of eternity this minute.
We are pain and what cures pain.
We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours.
Soul of the world, no life, nor world remain,
no beautiful women and men longing.
Only this ancient love circling the holy black stone of nothing.
Where the lover is the loved, the horizon and everything within it.”

Rumi

You are love, remember that! Whole and complete. The rest are background extras placed there to help you get to your happy ending. 

Trust and believe in yourself. 

6 Benefits of Setting Boundaries:

  1. You know and respect yourself more which leads to better self-esteem.
  2. You understand others and empathize with their boundaries.
  3. You are less prone to anger or disappointment.
  4. You feel lighter and happier because you are doing things that make you feel fulfilled not out of obligation.
  5. You learn how to communicate your needs better and make space for others to express themselves to you.
  6. You take your power back from the external and ground yourself in the awareness of who you really are.
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