I can honestly say that I didn’t really see it coming until, I did. I felt it both emotionally and physically. Not intellectually. Not then.
Have you ever noticed that we’re the last to know anything about ourselves? The last to learn. To discover. To trust— ourselves. I was not the exception.
My turning point or pivot as I like refer to it, evolved. It evolved because I wasn’t aware of, nor was listening at the time to my instincts, my gut, my truth until it finally SCREAMED at me from deep within. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? KNOCK IT OFF. HEAR ME. FOR F*CK SAKES.“
This pivot eventually showed me my strength, my resiliency, and what was really important to me. And yet …. it took years.
I realize that my pattern. My stress-appeaser was to run. Run both physically and emotionally. It started when I decided to travel around the world when I was younger. I was gone for just shy of 3 years. I thought I was leaving for my need to explore and experience the world. Upon further reflection, what I was really doing was running away. Running away from myself. As Jon Kabat-Zinn said; “Wherever you go there you are.” It turns out, it’s not so obvious.
The reason why this pattern wasn’t so obvious was because it created incredible experiences, life adventures, and wonderful business opportunities for me. Combined with my entrepreneurial spirit, it also caused havoc. It also overshadowed my understanding of how to trust what it was that I needed. I constantly questioned, where I fit in. What was I doing, and why. Always fighting my truth. Every step of the way.
I was leading my life through the eyes of others and not that of my own. I had one toe in, everything. Spinning for the sake of feeling worthwhile. Knowing that I was miserable. Burnt out. Bummed out. When you’re seeking recognition, it’s emotionally exhausting. It also makes you feel small and angry. And more importantly, it effects your health. The kicker for me was that I had always known that I was better than that. Better than my limiting beliefs. My self-doubt. The bulls*t I created in my mind. All the while, I was suppressing a lot of my curiosity, optimism, fun, creative, and loving self. What was that all about?
Ironically, I realized that by running I was able to breathe. I was looking outwardly for the answers. Running resolved that for me — temporarily.
And then, it hit me. I stopped dead in my tracks. It wasn’t until the exhaustion caught up with me that I reflected upon the answers. I needed to stop looking outside myself to find my breath. What I needed was to look within. I needed to breathe from within.
This was my pivot. It was that day that I took action. I looked for strategies and methods that would bring me closer to myself. I started deep breathing exercises; meditation training; reading more about mindset and awareness. I balanced my exercise routine so that it wouldn’t deplete me; it would give me more energy.
By having strategies that I could tap into, at any time, lifted the trust within myself. It created a stronger understanding of my “zone of genius,” so wonderfully coined by; Gay Hendricks in his book “The Big Leap.”
Today, I lead a healthy more prioritized life whereby I’m able to help accelerate other people’s lives. There’s nothing more satisfying then to be able to lift others – to help other’s rise. This can truly only take place when you decide that it has to start with you – first.