As a child I was always very judgmental. I’d say curious and critical were my most common attributes! I’d often look at my teachers and fellow students in class and wonder, “Why are they wearing that shirt with those shoes”? I’d pay more attention to my science teachers hairdo than her lesson for the day. I didn’t always understand or really accept people’s choices. To me, it just made no sense! Not only was I critical of looks, I was sensitive to words and actions too. “Why would someone say something so strange or do something so weird?” I literally made myself the judge and jury on everything! Who the hell was I thinking only my choices were right or my opinions valid? Thinking I’m the axe on what’s cool or not cool!? Boy did I have a lot to learn! My Dad would constantly say, “Stop being so critical”! It never really resonated with me until I was in my late teens. Little by little, after I had made a comment or gave a strong, insensitive opinion, I was left feeling pretty gross. You know that feeling when you drink to much the night before? Or when you eat your Chinese food leftovers way to late at night? You wake up feeling nothing but REGRET!!
I began to notice day to day, my heart feeling as if it were opening up a bit. Maybe it was all the yoga and accupuncture I had been doing lol?! Seriously though, that was helping a lot!!
To this day I’m not sure what happened to me. I guess you could call it maturity and growth? I began to think before I spoke. I would always try to reverse a situation around as if it were happening to me before giving my two sense. I would look at an outfit I’d never have the guts to wear and think, “Wow, what a creative person”! I would hear my kids making fun of someone and it made me want to cry! I found myself repeating that phrase, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”!! I made them give me a dollar from their piggy banks if they said something negative. It was the only way I could get them to reprogram. I was determined to not have them act as horrifically as I did as a kid! POSITIVITY!!! I would preach to them! “Am I finally a loving, compassionate human being”? I think so!!
I realize now that I was very insecure and very immature! I was not able to see people deeper than face value. Unable to see their true hearts and true self. I now look and listen to people with an open heart and mind. I find those who are flawed, beautiful. I see the brash as hurting and misunderstood, the meek and quiet as brilliant observers. I try to look back on someone’s life many chapters to see what might make them act the way they do. When we look at each other in the world we must realize we are all the same at the core. We all hurt, cry, desire, laugh and most importantly love. It comes out differently in all of us but we are all made of the same parts.
At the end of the day, choose to put that beautiful energy we are all born with into love, understanding and compassion. Know one wants to feel like we ate to much Kung Pao Chicken tomorrow!!?