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The Night of My Death

Should you need to quiet your mind and believe….

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Should you need to quiet your mind and believe….My name is Maeve. Maeve Rose Quest. If I had to describe myself, I would say that first and foremost, I am a woman bred from powerful women. We are disruptive trail blazers and deniers of limitations. In my younger years, I possessed a stocky build of 5’5” with long blond hair, brown eyes, pale skin and of course, freckles. Those long ago physical attributes have left my countenance, leaving me with a dulled sense of the color that I once was. My hair is now dyed a darker version of its former glory yet my eyes still possess the wisdom of one who has experienced the adventures that often come with a life lived deep in curiosity and a longing for something I can’t seem to remember. 

The amazing thing about reaching the age of 64 is that I can now live a life that no longer dictates what I should be or how I should look. Even though I was once called a beauty, I now embrace the feeling that I can turn my focus in another direction towards a path that is led by my heart, not societal dictates. I am free.

But as interesting (or not) as that part of my story is, none of it truly matters for my purpose here… because my true story begins the night of my death…

The Death

With my abdomen pulsating and in more pain than I even thought was possible, I arrived at the hospital emergency department. Something was seriously wrong and even though I was only 24 years old and thought myself immortal as most 24 year olds do, the thought of death unexpectedly came into my conscience. As self-survival kicked in, I fought back hard as I screamed in my head, “No! No!” But then, just as quickly as I found myself desperately fighting to live, I then began to realize that most likely, my life was over. And I couldn’t stop it from happening. 

I thought it strange that I was so accepting of my impending death as I proceeded to cross over from screaming in my head to hold on, to fight, and not give in, to an unexpected place of submission and peace. I found my conscience enveloped in a deep, resounding and calming subsistence between the struggle of life as I knew it and what I felt was an imminent physical death. At this point, I was experiencing absolutely no fear of dying and I felt quiet and still in my mind and body.

The voices and noises around me began to escalate as the clatter of metal carts and instruments hung in the air. I realized that even though my eyes were open, I could no longer see. As I slowly closed my eyes, my physical senses began to dull and oddly, I became aware that I was smiling. My smile was actually my last physical awareness before I heard a low hum and felt a warm sensation throughout my chest. And within the next moment, I sensed some kind of separation and “floating” above my physical body. And as this separation seemed to  grow, I began observing my body as a separate thing, something other than “me.”

The Light

As the separating continued, I became aware of an intense bright Light off in the distance and I turned my focus toward its captivating dance. The Light’s prism of energy and illumination began to spiral and grow and I immediately put forth all my senses into its hypnotic allure. I began to feel the most utterly peaceful, loving sensation and I yearned to move toward and inhabit this Light and the love it emanated. 

I made a conscious decision to no longer acknowledge my body. Yet at the same time, I began to feel a sense of profound sadness, as I was keenly aware that I was no longer a part of it. I momentarily ached for the friend that had carried my being for twenty-four years, however I was more than willing to leave behind all the limitations it held. I was also struck with the terror of the pain that it was suffering and I knew that I wasn’t going back. And so I continued on. 

The Tunnel

Now that I had been freed from my physical body, I felt transported toward the Light energy and the vibrating tunnel seemed to surround me while it pulled my focus forward. The need and all-consuming desire to move through this Lighted tunnel both surprised and excited me as, even though I knew I was dying, this impassioned longing deep within for an unknown Light Source wasn’t what I expected would occur. But this powerful, magnetic, unexpected turn of events thrust me beyond anything I was ever told or had imagined would happen at this moment. I hungered for more of this feeling and I pushed on toward the charismatic energy that called out to me.

The energy seemed to pull my focus faster and faster through the tunnel and within an instant, the Light surrounded and pervaded everything I knew as me. This explosion of wonder and raw newness immediately made me think of being born. The thought that this was the true birthing, calmed my newly acquired cognizance and I was spontaneously in love with and in need of, this familiar place. I recognized it as a deep yearning within my heart and now I had returned. I had awakened from the dream of life and now, I knew I was home.

MRQ

To be continued….

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