I hate to admit. I was at the worst point of my life. After 12 years of full dedication to my job, great professional recognition, the husband that I dreamt since my “Sleeping Beauty” twice a day re-runs as a girl (ok, some things are not exactly as I dreamt, but let´s give him a break!), and the most perfect son…my life fell apart.
My dad had struggled from a terrible illness and passed away during a surgery that had 95% of success probability, with literally the best surgeon in the world – he had to go through a multi-visceral transplant. In addition to that, within days apart, I had a miscarriage from a quite advanced stage. It was hard to cope. I was always very connected to my dad and we were very much alike. Like, when I was a child and my mom was arguing with me about something, she would go back to him to say that that was his fault because we had practically the same personality. So losing his everyday presence and losing my baby felt like I was actually with missing parts of myself.
I remember that sometimes I could not lift out of the floor and I didn´t want to do anything anymore. Going to the office was hard, because I everyone felt pity and that was something that I had never experienced before. I WAS WEAK AND EVERYBODY KNEW IT.
That´s when the panic and fear began. I couldn´t face anyone out of my family anymore. Going to the office was a nightmare and just the smell of different things could make me sick. Even though my boss, HR and everyone was supporting me, I couldn´t deal with it anymore. Obviously, they couldn´t either – almost everyone I knew was sending me to therapy.
The first time I went to therapy I left with a prescription for some heavy pills. Even though I know tons of people that live with that, I never felt comfortable enough not to control my own energy and my own thoughts, maybe because I saw some pretty unrealistic versions of my friends once they started. I managed to go there for 3 months, always fighting back and sometimes saying that I would buy the pills but never did.
When I was completely out of options, I decided to give a chance to a mindfullness app (Headspace) that was recommended by those colleagues that didn´t send me to therapy. I was absolutely sceptical, almost laughing that something so trivial as stopping your mind for 10 minutes a day would work.
I could feel the results in the first session. It was like a rest after a very long run. I felt like I was connected to myself again and I could see it from the top. After some time, I learned that I didn´t need to respond quickly to everything that comes along and when I was deeply connected to my inner self I could learn more and find out about subjects that I have never considered before, such as vulnerability, balance, understanding and forgiveness.
So, last but not least, here are my tips:
1-Give it a chance!
OK, I know that your mind runs a thousand miles, you cannot rest for 1 second, you feel like meditation is not for you, you don´t have 10 minutes a day for this, you are a super hero. But I also know that sometimes you don´t sleep at night, you can be nasty to people and lose control over things. Just give it a chance, try to believe in it and stop for a while.
2-Don´t give up
It is a habit, a new routine. It can take a while to get things going. Set up an agenda for the first 30 days and allow yourself to be absent for a day or two (it is not school!), but believe that it is a long time run and persistence is key.
3-Discover what worries you the most
Understand what is the one thing that is bothering you and work on it. You will not solve everything at once and prioritizing works here too!
GOOD LUCK 🙂 !!