Being nice is a good thing. It actually is a desirable human trait.
However, some people (for various reasons) are overly nice; they will be at the beck and call of everyone, put up with abuse and disrespect, and always put their well-being aside for others.
Being overly nice has tremendous and long-lasting negative effects.
I have heard people so often say “stop being too nice”, and they think that it will work instantly.
Well, it does not work. Nice people have it extremely hard to ‘stop being nice’ or to cut people off. The guilt of the mere thought of letting other people down weighs heavily on overly nice people.
However, I (a recovering nice person) are discovering a few things that boost my worth and, whereas I cannot turn mean suddenly, I am learning to put myself first; and it is okay to put myself first.
If you are an extremely nice person who feels like things are getting our hand, here are a few things that you might want to try:
Being overly nice is not something someone chooses. You just find yourself overly nice and it has its negative effects on your mental well being.
If you have been pushed over the edge or you have depleted your mental will, physical energy or other resources/ capacities, do not be afraid to cut people off. I know it sounds harsh and feels almost impossible, but for your own sanity, you might need to love some people from a distance.
I can tell you for a fact that not everyone is going to be pleased with your need to take care of yourself.
In fact, chances are that some people will try to manipulate you into feeling like a very selfish person.
Do not fall those guilt-trips; you know you need to be nice to you too and your being overly nice is getting in the way of your sanity and overall well-being. Do not let anyone guilt-trip you into sacrificing more or enduring abuse. Give yourself time to re-learn yourself, process your own needs, and work towards your healing.
I am not a therapist; I have been through a lot and have learnt much. Thankfully, I am recovering just fine and doing amazingly well after I reduced my over-niceness and started investing some time and care on me.
I have also met strong men and women who have had their fair share of being overly nice, and almost lost themselves in the process, but are changing their lives one day at a time.
I have shared my story on Thrive Global – Post Mothers Day Celebration: Celebrating the Mothers Who Never Were. I am glad that through my writing, I have encouraged some people and helped more acknowledge how precious they are too despite the abuse and or hardships that may have been meted out to them.
I dream of a world where everyone’s worth will matter. The world is big enough for all of us.
Originally published at un-tell.com