The Instagram models, Facebook Stars, Thin Thighs, Lean Legs, Bubble Butt — — Sensory overload
What a time to be alive…
“Society’s pressures and media are making women think they need to look a certain way, it’s not right, so I’m taking a stand!”
I heard someone say
Sound familiar? Yeah nah — I’m not buying what you’re selling.
Here’s what I’ve noticed, the ones who take this stance are usually the most insecure ones of the bunch. People wear their insecurities on them like jewelry and mask it by projecting confidence.
Let me be clear; my main concern with coaching people is their HEALTH. Which is reflected in strength tests, RHR, Blood pressure levels, insulin resistance levels and other HEALTH factors.
It just so happens, along the way to obtaining ideal metrics for health is vanity.
There’s nothing wrong with training for vanity either, as long as the number 1 priority is health.
Now before you start with the hate comments, hear me out and REFLECT on what I’m telling you.
You have problem X, it bothers you, you lie awake at night and it eats away at you. It causes stress, discomfort, you don’t even want to think of it, eventually it causes anxiety and then you reach a moment.
The pain of staying the same > the pain of staying where you are
^^ That is a state where the most powerful person in the world lives.
Changes = discomfort, change = well, change
So you try to change. In this instance we’re talking about fitness, and your body. You work for weeks and weeks with NO change.
You become frustrated with the work you’re putting in, eating terrible salads and not partying with your friends week after week, and not a single pound is lost.
Meanwhile, your other gym friends, well they’re not actually friends, but the ones you nod to every time you’re on the treadmill are have lost 10, 15, 20lbs.
Feeling discouraged, defeated and helpless, you give up.
The pain comes back, this time it’s not about changing your body, it’s the pain of trying to change yourself that is NOT working. Frustrating to the point where you have tears streaming down your face.
You’ve tried everything.
Tear open the Oreos and ice-cream: screw it, I tried, I failed, let me at least eat and drink the things I want.
Finding consolation in Oreos is great but it comes with guilt. Well at least no one’s here to watch…
Scroll through Facebook, Whoa: LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF, SOCIETY IS THE PROBLEM, NOT YOU.
Ya damn right!! So you join this movement cause well, it makes you feel better.
Major stress relief. Goodbye Anxiety, Hello Doritos!
As time goes on, the stress relief fades, the endorphins subside and the message seems tiresome, deep down, wayyyy down, you still want those abs and bubble butt,
But this…. This support circle is easier, way easier than going back to the gym and facing failure once again.
We now live in a society where we support deflecting the problems that come our way instead of facing them head on.
As a regular everyday Shmoe, I don’t blame you. Find the path of least resistance. It’s our nature. BUT
As a coach, ^^ this attitude cannot be condoned.
This is the same philosophy that hands kids participation medals for just showing up, the same philosophy that do not let kids fail or repeat grades in school (sorry, it’s only a matter of time before failing is a demeaning word)
— what are they teaching people?
I don’t blame the kids, I want a trophy too.
Deflect the problem, mask it and hope it goes away. Well the kids will learn not everyone wins and not everyone deserves a medal.
Back to you dear ‘fit’ aspiring adults, that pain from before isn’t going away for long. Why? Because the problem started with you and it will, it will circle back to you unless you stop blaming external events and
Take ownership of your life.
1| Let’s start with blaming society:
You wouldn’t feel ‘pressure from society’ if you were confident about your body and yourself in the first place.
Why? Because you don’t give a damn. You wouldn’t be fixated on all the pictures, comments and videos. It would just be the equivalent of another cat video, instead of you taking personal offense to it.
But you do take offense to it and you lash out. Blame others. It’s everyone’s fault but your own.
Let’s make it worse and mask the problem by surrounding yourself w people who ‘make you feel better’ and say ‘you’re perfect the way you are’ are NOT helping YOU change your life.
Telling someone their obesity is ok, is WRONG, saying your type II diabetes is society’s fault is WRONG, trying to convince someone their flat stomach and bubble butt that they desire so much is society’s doing and not their own, therefore you shouldn’t want it is WRONG.
Why are some people trying to discourage your progress?
because it’s hard?
because you might fail?
because it makes the people who have tried and failed look worse if you succeed?
2| This is 2017 — where we have CHOICE
This is 2017. It’s time to stop blaming the media and the news for our worldview.
We live in the most amazing time in the world. This ISN’T 1950 and everyone is going out and buying dog food and they don’t even own a dog, because there are subliminal messages being fed to you on Television.
We are fed 10,000 advertising messages per day — we can’t control that, what can we control? The CONTENT of those messages.
Listen, I love being sold and I love being delivered ads, why? Because if you’re smart about it, you can use social media to give me more of WHAT I WANT to see.
More Fitness articles
More Success Stories
More… Cat videos (and I don’t even like cats, but the videos, keep ’em coming)
If you don’t like the ad, the blog, the video or the girls in bikinis and Instagram models and dating the hot guy, turn it off, hit the down arrow and say see less ads like this.
You know what will happen? You’ll curate the ads you, the messages you feed yourself and ultimately HOW you feel about yourself.
You choose… You choose to watch endless pictures of girls in bikinis with the perfect bubble butt and lean arms and flat stomach.
Society didn’t make you do it — YOU CHOSE IT.
If it’s something you want, work for it until you get it. If it’s not something you want, don’t try to discourage someone from doing what you couldn’t do.
If you’ve tried and failed that’s okay. Get back up, dust yourself off and try again… Don’t turn to condoning the solution that you desperately seek.
Criticism is one of the biggest forms of WEAKNESS, it disempowers you, not the intended target. OWNING your sh*t and realizing that YES I want to look like that, YES I want that body, YES I’m willing to work for it is powerful.
If you’ve failed and you feel down and out, if you’ve run out of ideas:
Find a REAL COACH who will push you to do that!
Listen, I’ve trained 100’s of people and spoken to 1000’s, and the ones who want only kindness, and only a support circle that doesn’t make them feel bad and only tell me what I want to hear so I feel better DOESN’T work
You don’t have to be an asshole and fat shame someone either, BUT as someone who seeks change you must REFLECT your current situation.
It WILL hurt, you might discover some real things you don’t like about yourself, and others and that’s fine — Head it straight on.
People who avoid this and only seek ‘support’ without resistance are really only looking for one thing:
VALIDATION — that validate their actions, lifestyle so they don’t feel bad and they can stay the same and not feel guilty for it.
YES, you will feel good, yes preach the good word for others to join your ‘movement’
You’re failing yourself by buying into this validation and ‘coaches’ who preach are FAILING clients, because they will NOT change.
My job isn’t to make you instantly feel better, it’s to CHANGE you.
Get REAL with yourself….
About what you want and who you want to become.
Face the resistance, the criticism and the change and become that person. Stop hiding, stop looking for validation.
Yes, I’m all about loving yourself even if don’t look like a supermodel, and if you love yourself and you’re happy and healthy (see below for standards) then it will be reflected in the way you
Carry yourself, speak about yourself and others, and the aura you have. You will start to exude confidence instead of spew insecurity.
As a coach, I care about you being healthy:
RHR, Blood sugar levels, insulin levels, strength, mobility, blood pressure levels.
If all ^^ are in check, I couldn’t give a damn if you’re 10 or 15lbs overweight, the point is for YOU to be happy without delusion.
And if all those are in check and you’re still not happy with yourself want to look like a supermodel, go f-ing do it, who am I or ANYONE else to tell you otherwise.
Here’s what you can’t do — criticize and blame society and media for ‘idealism’. The same idealism you deep down seek. If your body didn’t bother you, then you wouldn’t care about the media messages and if it does, then make a change.
Regardless of what you look and how you feel about yourself, YOU are responsible for those feelings and no one else.
Go make a change in your life if you’re not happy, or at the very least stop blaming society if don’t want to face the resistance.
Originally published at medium.com