Recently a dear friend emailed regarding some stressful changes in his life, changes that triggered anxiety he thought he’d left behind. What he described was so familiar — that first ping – that numbing constriction – that longing to skip over this part.
As I read the message, I recognized this need to be certain … to write one’s own script. But, what his longing couldn’t consider while in this state of fear, was the inevitable changeability of life – and, that fear of impermanence is exactly ‘what’ keeps us from the certainty of what is here with us right NOW.
What follows is the spontaneous response to my friend. I recognize that it was written to that part of ‘me’ that still feels pain and uncertainty – the part of ‘me’ that is so like the part in ‘you’ – the person part that wants so much to belong and the human part that wants to feel safe.
I offer it as a Source in reclaiming your own inner power over the story of anxiety, and in the rediscovery of our shared, fundamental nature — in our loving capacity as present, everyday people.
These words were were guided by a deeply authentic space that rises through the stillness of attention – a space that no word can ever truly capture – and, which no reason can explain — the authentic voice.
The authentic doesn’t speak to you, it speaks through you – “face to no face”… this is how I know it was written with unconditional love.
My dearest friend,
I’m so pained with your pain … this screaming ghost. I know the ghost; it is what sits in the fires of hell as anxiety fuels the flame that burns us.
The misunderstanding is that the decent is a punishment. No, rather, the decent is the liberation … the wake up! The decent is telling you to turn around and let go of what pains you – to let it burn in the fire and to rise again. Until you do, you won’t feel like you’re living. Because you believe that your life is already taken way – that there’s a force beyond YOU, in control of YOU … and, in this belief, you’ve deadened the opportunity of feeling HERE! In your glorious body!
This is not about will, this is about confidence, this is about trust in your root, in the experience of your body, through your feet, in the stuff that carries you – in the failure. This is the decent – to go back to the beginning with skill – to go back in review of the story – to inhabit it, to digest it, to correct it, to shit it out and then to rise naked in its wisdom.
To become wisdom!
You know this. You’ve been here before: when we loose trust in the body and we doubt our wisdom, reason fails us, and, in that failure, the mind finds fault in the body.
…and, the faulty process accelerates the fault.
It’s roulette with only two possible outcomes – cognitive thrombosis or spiritual embolism; whether it’s too much thought or too much physical pressure, attention is needed with some reliable measure.
Understand, there’s nothing to fix; you’re not broken and fear need not be controlled. Fear is to be welcomed, befriended, defused and met with courage – with curiosity – with acceptance – with faith. There’s only ONE superior intelligence and that’s the spirit through the heart/mind. In your heart you know — you know that the cheat is the mind … how it steals our sense of safety and presence when we’re not looking!
My dear brother, there are no certainties in life! Because this life is, by it’s very nature, so spontaneous that all we really have is NOW. And, in this NOW lies possibility and in possibility lies freedom. Anything other than that is death because the only alive space is HERE. Not somewhere else, suspended in uncertainty and fear of what is inevitable – that the end may feel fearful and painful.
We’re all going to die. It’s a terrifying reality, but more terrifying is being buried alive in anxiety and suffering a death before your time!
Anxiety has a story – it needs it to stay alive. So, take the time to understand the story of this anxiety: Where did it come from? Is it still valid? How are you supporting yourself? What do you already know about your capacity?
The very action of turning toward courage will release you from fear and then you will know the freedom of faith: wisdom!
Work to come back, my dear friend. Feel life on all levels, not every experience all of the time, but a few – start with a few.
In stillness we meet!
Your loving sister,