The Confidence Series

Part 2: How to rebuild

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Part 1 was about defining what the various terms were. Part 2 will be about two things: defining what I think are the two different types of confidence: external and internal and how to begin rebuilding.

Confidence for me can easily be separated into two branches: external and internal. Before we delve into that, I want to mention another phrase in psychology that relates to confidence: locus of control. Locus of control relates to WHO you believe controls your success and failures in life. If you believe that you are in control of your life, successes and failures, then you have an internal locus of control. If you believe that your life, successes and failures are due to outside influences such as luck, fate etc, then you have an external locus of control. To put it another way, if you get a bad grade and tell yourself that you received that bad grade because you did not study enough, you have an internal locus of control. If you receive that bad grade and blame the teacher, a study partner or the assignment, you have an external locus of control.

Confidence has 2 branches: external and internal. External confidence is the superficial. It is when your self-esteem is boosted by what it outside of yourself. Examples of that are the compliments you get from others or the materialistic possessions that society tells us you need to have achieved to be successful. In my opinion, you can’t build genuine confidence from the superficial. Although it may look like confidence, it will essentially be a facade because it fades.

Internal confidence on the other hand is the substantive. It is when your self-esteem is boosted by, well, you. Your internal confidence stems from the way you feel about yourself, the way you speak to yourself ( the inner voices), the values you hold true and act upon and viewing yourself as a worthy human being ( self-worth).

Photo by Patrick Hendry on Unsplash

How then do we rebuild our shattered self-esteem? By focusing on internal confidence. Focus on what you love and be damned everyone else. For example, I love going to the movies by myself. People think I am weird for going alone but it means that I do not need anything or anyone that is outside of me to make myself happy. I make myself happy. I have the control and I made that choice.

Need help figuring this out? It is a process of trial and error. One place to start is your appearance. Yes appearance is technically external BUT if you make sure you are dressing for yourself and not anyone else then your appearance is internal. It is for your own soul. Make sure that you adore every single part of your outfit, even down to the things the world will not get to see. This will help you find yourself and step by step you will begin to build a positive image of the beautiful person you are.

Something else to think about is what you loved as a kid. Did you love to paint, sing, dance, write, draw, color, play an instrument…? Get back into the habit of doing that again. Regularly. This will help you view yourself in a more positive light and in turn increase your self-esteem.

Another area to look into is the negative feedback you give yourself. I am so used to criticizing myself that it is now second-nature and has become a hard habit to break. One of my goals this year is to stop that by looking at myself in the mirror every morning right after I get out of bed and speaking to myself in a more beautiful way. By doing so, I set the tone for the day and show myself an appreciation that I have never felt before thus increasing my self-esteem.

These are just a few of the ways you can begin to rebuild your soul. What are some of the ways you will begin to rebuild? Share them with me on Twitter or Instagram.

To truly be confident, it start from within. To truly be confident, it must be internal. Your light must shine from inside of you or else it is a facade. A facade is what you do not want. After years of criticism, we want to finally be set free.



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