Is your relationship currently in focus? Relationship therapist Margaret Paul has worked with thousands of couples over the past 46 years and knows what can make a relationship a success or a disappointment. Below you can see the different choices you can make that can make a big difference in your relationship:
Do you take responsibility for your feelings? Or do you expect your partner to make you happy?
It is important to take your own responsibility in a relationship regarding your self-esteem and happiness. If you believe that your partner has the responsibility to make you feel happy, safe and good, what do you do if he or she does not do what you want?
Do you become?
- Angry, offensive, are you withdrawing or are you looking for other things to punish your partner with?
- Are you trying harder to plush your partner while losing sight of yourself?
- Will you close and become sad?
- Are you going to eat /smoke/drink to fill the voids?
- Are you cheating?
- Does anything of the above help to improve your relationship?
The most important thing in your relationship is that you learn to love yourself. How to take care of your own feelings. Sharing love is good, trying to get love causes problems.
You are more likely to be loving, caring and understanding towards your partner than to criticize your partner.
Do you treat yourself kindly? Do you treat your partner in a friendly way? Do you take care of each other? Relationships rely on love, caring and compassion, but fail when partners are not kind to themselves and each other. Be honest with yourself: how often are you sweet and caring and how critical are you about yourself and your partner? When you are critical of your partner, there is a good chance that you are also critical of yourself. Self-criticism often leads to criticism of others. It is difficult for love to overcome in an environment of criticism.
Try learning instead of checking.
At some point in our life we often have 2 intentions:
1 The intention to learn how to love ourselves and others;
2 The intention to control how we receive love and can avoid pain.
When you choose to learn then this is good for your relationship when you choose to check this is not so good.
Conflicts are resolved when both partners want to learn: from each other, from themselves and from the relationship. Conflicts are not resolved when partners intend to control.
Presenting A Surprise Gift
It is believed that a surprise gift makes relationships stronger. So you should be pretty much aware of the likeness and dislike ness of your partner. Meanwhile, you should collect the unique gift ideas to give surprises. Presenting a gift is not only necessary in your pre-build relationships but also consider it on your first date. In such scenarios, it will increase your positive impact on your companion.
Spending time together has priority over “all the things” that still need to be done.
Taking the time to be together, to go through your day, to cuddle, to have sex, to laugh together and to cry together are choices that will do your relationship good. If you continue to focus on everything that is still on your ‘to do’ list, you will grow apart. It is good to imagine when there is time to work together on their band. But when the priority is on all the chores that still have to be done, instead of your relationship, then it is important to be careful.
You choose to be grateful and not to complain.
If you are grateful for the beautiful things in each other, the things you initially fell in love with, then this is good for your relationship. Complaining about your partner or in general is not good for a relationship. Relationships grow when both partners are grateful and there is not constant complaining.
Read More here: Have incredible relationships