The Chapter After Divorce: Redefining Me

The papers are signed and the ink is dry. Your divorce was a long time in coming so you don’t really feel differently. Or do you?

The papers are signed and the ink is dry. Your divorce was a long time in coming so you don’t really feel differently. Or do you? Celebration or isolation…maybe a bit of both need to be embraced…but the fact is that you are now officially entering a new chapter of your life.

The difference in this chapter is that now your focus returns to you. If you have children, of course your parenting will be taking center stage as you navigate new family dynamics. Keep in mind that pivoting, as a post divorce parent requires a sharpened focus. In order to pay the best attention to your children you have to pay renewed attention to yourself. More than likely, this new self that exited from your marriage is quite different from the one that entered into your marriage many years ago. How can you learn to love this person? By allowing yourself to reconnect and recommit to self love and awareness.

3 Ways To Turn The Spotlight On You and ask the right questions of yourself post divorce:

  1. Listen for the whispers. For years you may have been making decisions to please a spouse or to keep your family glued together. In the process, what other important decisions did you miss or ignore, or push toward tomorrow in the process? Tomorrow is now today! Put an ear to your heart and really listen to yourself. What do you most want to do now? The time has never been more perfect to turn up the volume on the whispers in your life and take action on whatever is most important to you. There are no wrong turns, only opportunities to try and to learn. It is not too late for anything you truly want to do. You have so much power at your disposal, use it to reinvent the life you most want.
  2. Try something new. This is your time to rewrite the rules. Take a class, take a trip, hire a coach, or begin a new hobby. Invest now in rediscovering your passions and identifying what is important to you. This is a time to ask some tough questions of yourself and it is a springboard from which you can position your next moves.Get to know yourself again. Refreshing your life post divorce is all about tapping into your inner child. What did you once love to do? What have you wanted to do but have not done? Lean into the evolution of what is next.
  3. Make your life happen imperfectly. Sometimes when we are in committed relationships, we are busy with the day-to-day of our relationship or our family and may be working hard to make a mate’s life work, or our lives together to mesh. In the process, we often negate our own needs and become busy waiting for the right time, or the ideal scenario in which to take action on what we want. You can refocus that same energy, and time, and commitment that you had in your marriage on making your life one that is filled with the elements that bring you joy and promise. No more excuses based on your old relationship. No more waiting for the right moment, or for everything to be perfect and wonderful. The process of reinventing yourself has begun, so enjoy the small steps toward a grander renewal. These small steps require your commitment to embracing a mindset of doing, of saying yes now and figuring it out later. It is not a sprint to the finish, but a marathon event. Think of this chapter of your life as one that does not have a finish line, but rather an exciting path of self-discovery and an endless array of possibilities.

Originally published at

Originally published at

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