There are diferrent ways to look at your life. One, to build what’s coming in your life by thinking of the past experiences, trying hard to heal the traumas and wounds, fighting to understand what happened and why it did, digging deep into everything to understand and know yourself so that you can adjust reactions, educate emotions and control thoughts in a way you can obtain better outcome of coming events. It is like having leftovers of fabric and trying to manufacture a new piece of cloth using all of them in the best way. The other is to first decide what do you want. Try to imagine your future as a blank page and start writing on it as if you had all needed resources available. Imagine the wildest and unimaginable reality and start writing it. Then start taking action. It is creating a perspective on future experiences by looking at the end goal (which never ends in fact…) and decide your each step and action that will take you there. In this case, you have all these left-overs pieces of fabric and you decide if you want to create a skirt, a shirt, a dress or a quilt. Once you decided, you would only keep those parts that you need and the rest you’ll put in the garbage or in the storage – the point is they will not stand in your way or bother you. Once you build that image in your brain you will notice that, with every night that passes and the most you repeat the image during the day, your brain will in fact do the hardest work at night, when the subconscious take the lead and prints that image even stronger on your awareness. By doing that, you will reduce the importance and impact of past events that negatively affected you and you will make space for new, future images to create. With an educated will and confidence practiced during awake time, you will soon start taking actions that direct you to the end goal. The patterns created in your brain will auto select and guide you during the every day choice process. That is a process that you can create with a lot of practice and consistency, perseverating even at hard times. It is surely a difficult path since most of us find it extremely hard to answer the “what do you want” question, especially when we are assaulted by strong emotions, tough events, grief, depression, anxiety. There is no gold recipe to how one can reach the answer of “want”. But one way, and possibly a trick, is to still go back in time. Not to relive the events and emotions but reaching out for the most solar version of yours. The most honest, innocent, daring and dreaming version of yours. For some it could be a recent time while for many of us is the childhood. That one can be an extremely hard exercise. If you can not do it, a childhood picture or time with kids could help. But make it be an aware time, one when you are fully present and can pay attention to what and why kids do, act, say what they do, so that you can come back in your own time. (To me it was when I had my son. I didn’t understand why but I did realize that the more time I had with my son, the more I saw I had been in fact going myself far from whom I dreamed to be when I was a child. It took me more than 5 years to understand. 5 tough years of doubt and insecurity without knowing why. Asa child I wanted to change the world, be an explorer, make a big change). That would be the difference between guiding your life by psychological therapy versus coaching yourself. Though the ideal pace would be to go thru both and keep coaching yourself. As there is no end goal in life but a series of renewed goals. They all can be achieved as long as we are aware, we listen to ourselves and take calculated risks, learn the past lessons and always aim forward.
This is my own recent personal discovery. I have always been fascinated by how clean my mind was in the morning after the worse ever fight with my loved ones, as long as it was about something that had no connection with my love for them, my true connection with them. When real values are affected this won’t work like magic as your brain will need time to reconfigure the patterns and understand if and how it can adjust the new – and if based on a belief, it works in most cases like magic. So, when the event comes to change a belief and the brain comes to the acceptance point, you will know it’s all ok the next morning. We talk here about the wonderful power of sleep, about beliefs and change and perseverance. They are all in relation to each other and interact constantly, dancing in subconscious to enable your awareness, balance and evolution. What beautiful creations we are!