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The Chain Of Pain In Dating

Dating Mishaps

Online dating has become the new norm when it comes to searching for a potential soul mate. With busy maxed out schedules more and more people are turning to online dating captivating over 40 million Americans. Although we have the ability to meet the masses there is a major down side that comes with it. Who is really the person behind the electronics?

Have you ever been a party to online dating? It starts with the profile, what seekers write is key and considering that 22% of profiles have been written by someone other than the subscriber it’s no wonder our dating world has become nothing short of a scavenger hunt. Finding that soul mate is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

First it starts with the hunt, searching for hours, profile after profile trying to match up interests and looks. Finally, there is a match. “Excellent,” I think, “He’s in the medical field, has a sense of humor, optimistic, and fun. We are off to a great start.” So, I send a flirt in hopes that I receive an email. Then starts the conversation, will it be a few words back and forth like a trickle of water or a full free flowing conversation?

Hopefully it’s a conversation that flows with ease, the one that leads to an exchange of phone numbers. After exchanging several engaging emails back and forth the moment came where he asked for my number. “Great,” I thought, “TJ and I are ready to take the next step in dating, let’s see if it leads to a date.”

Our conversation via text started out like this:

Me: “You have a great sense of humor TJ.”

TJ: “Hi Dawn, I never leave home without it.”

Me: “Good it will keep you young. So what made you decide to switch careers?”

TJ: Most of us change over time. What separates you and I from the pack is that we were willing to give up who we are for who we could be.”

Although I would have worded this, a bit different I was getting the gist of what TJ meant.

TJ: “What I mean is so many are frustrated with their lives yet do nothing to change their situation. You and I didn’t buy into that.”

He appeared to be a very enlightened man. But appearances can be deceiving, check out what happened next, the first red flag.

The following day I asked TJ if he would like to talk on the phone.

TJ: “I work night shift for the hospital so I never know when I’m going to get called away, it’s easier to text.”

I’m thinking, “What? Something doesn’t seem right but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and express my true feelings.”

Me: “I am not looking for a texting buddy TJ, I have plenty of those.”

TJ: “Me neither I had plenty of Pen Pals when I was a kid.”

“Great,” I’m thinking, “At least we are on the same page.” After a few days of texts TJ was called to Tennessee where he had to look after his ailing mother. Since he worked in the medical field I bought into the story and didn’t question the few days of non-existent texts.

As I continued to enjoy my time, moving along with my happy life and as the weekend came to a close I received a message through the dating site, it was TJ. “What in the world,” I thought. “Why is TJ sending me a message through the dating site when he has my number?”

TJ:” I am having complications with text so I’m left with communicating through this clunky site.”

Me: “What? Did you change your number?”

TJ: “No same number, I’m just having a hard time getting my text to go through.”

“Ok,” I thought, “Something seems fishy!”

Me: “Are you back in town?”

TJ: “I will be and I have to work for the next few days but then I’ll be available and would like to connect, what’s your schedule?”

The conversation dropped off and I began to pray, “God something isn’t right with this dude please help shed some light on the truth.”

Three hours passed by and I was busy enjoying time with my family when all of a sudden this text came through.

TJ: “Hi Paula! How have you been? I’m back from Tennessee….”

Me: “Wrong person, that explains it!” Of course it was accompanied by the explosion emoji

TJ: “?????”

Me: “My name is not Paula, thanks for not wasting my time!”

TJ: “I’ll take ‘Crash and Burn’ for $100, Alex…”

Me: “I’m definitely going to write about this!”

The funny thing is since TJ never gave me the time of day for a phone call or proper conversation he didn’t realize that I was truly a writer.

TJ: “All part of the Chain of Pain. Two years ago I was on the opposite side of this scenario… My apologies, Dawn.”

“Ha,” I thought to myself, “I am so grateful.” Did TJ really think admitting that he experienced the same thing would soften the blow? Thankfully I am connected within and I realize that dating is like gardening, it’s all about sifting through the weeds. Time is very valuable to me and I was very grateful that he didn’t waste much of it. Ask and you shall receive, another prayer answered. I’m so happy that I no longer repeat the same patterns of the past and that my ride on the carousel of losers has come to a complete stop and I have decided to jump off. I am taking a moment to regroup because I would rather enjoy a peaceful moment of mediation and harmony than entertain disconnect and dysfunction.

What makes dating challenging are the masks that people wear. Due to their own past hurts they have become more comfortable in the mask than living their best life with authenticity. That’s why it’s important to make sure before we step out into the dating scene that we take time to work on ourselves. Find happiness and contentment within so dating becomes a desire rather than a need or before we know it we’ll be someone’s expendable toys. Remember everything comes down to mind-set, I truly believe when the timing is right, the right person will appear. Have gratitude for all moments as they are stepping-stones to greatness, be kind to yourself, stay connected and remember there is power and peace in a pause.

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