One of the hardest thing to face is to look in the eyes of your loved ones when you fail. When they expect you to deliver and you don’t provide. When you promised them a nice trip abroad and due to a failing project you barely can support the usual surviving costs. It hurts a lot! And with every failure you have all the time witnesses and judges around you. Fortunately or unfortunately there is this stage which can’t be avoided. When you look around and it seems that everybody does better than you are doing and start questioning about what’s wrong with you.
The most dangerous thing to do is to indulge yourself in such pitty type questions “What’s wrong with me?”. And in those moments you seek for help in alcohol and drugs and things go even worse. The help is not in those directions. In the down moments you need to look deep inside and ask yourself first “What is the good thing hidden in this situation?”, “How I can grow from here and simply pass this stage through personal growth?” or “What this really means?”.
We are bombarded everywhere with quick solutions to achieve something. And in many ways there are shortcuts to make things happen better or faster but we humans are always looking for the shortcut of the shortcuts. Great things in life and business require a certain level of blood, sweat and tears. Of course it can be one tear or one hundred and you can get help, support, training and coaching to have less tears but sooner or later you will have at least one.
There were moments in the past when I was single and I’ve felt that it was much easier to cope with my own failures. I had my parents and my sister, they knew me so it wasn’t a lot of trouble. But when you have your own family, those new people in your life who should see you as a hero, failure is the last thing you want them to associate with you. I will say again … it hurts, it really, really hurts. But usually in relationships sooner or later you will be hurt. Don’t ask me why!
And by deep down inside avoiding to be hurt you are avoiding relationships, you are avoiding the idea of creating a family, allowing your future beautiful children to invade your space. Of course, you can be single by choice and have an amazing thriving life. Or … you can be driven by a limiting belief and wrong association — relationships equal pain and this will keep you forever outside of relationships. Even worse, you will have relationships and you will create a family but this limiting belief and association will make you divorce multiple times. And the main problem is that you will carry yourself, the old you in new relationships without having the guts to change yourself.
But … let me tell you: having your family as a witness and judge is a blessing because it makes your “Why” more powerful. It makes you to look inside of yourself and look for what you can use to be better today than yesterday and build yourself into a better human being.
We are meant to thrive, not just survive because when we are just surviving we are focusing on the wrong things. How you can contribute to this amazing world if you are just surviving? What do you create and build for the betterment of the planet? How this world will be better because you lived your life in a great way? Yes, it can be and it will be painful at least at the beginning but, you know, what? The time will pass anyway. You will arrive next year anyway. But … where? And … with whom? By having all the time the witness and the judge in your presence you will do better and better. Trust me, it works!
Originally published at medium.com