Learning to let go of friendships that no longer serve our greater purpose…
The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is to learn to let goSteve Maraboli
My life has always been a series of “letting go”. I can recall a time where practicing letting go changed the trajectory of my life. It was when I made the decision at age 31 to move to London and get my Masters.The decision was quite scary, and with it came criticism from those closest to me. In this moment I had to let go of a great toxicity that I had allowed to control my life for so long. I had to learn to let go of the opinions of others, and what they thought.
When telling my story, I often find myself referring to London as the door opener , the place where I had found my confidence, my voice. This voice grew stronger and louder over time. Learning to say yes to myself and no to others was a huge turning point in my life.
I am a firm believer that letting go affords us a new beginning, away of leaving behind bad behaviors perhaps of our own fruition, and/or walking away from toxic relationships that have held us back from becoming the best version of ourselves.
With that said, there comes a time to let go of friendships in our lives.
Fast-forward to the present… I’ve now found myself at a place where I had to make a decision, a not so easy decision… letting go of a friendship.In this case, a major life change, an awakening, and avoidable truths all surfaced at once. In a split moments time whether I was ready or not, life signals insisted it was the time to move on. My aspirations and life path had changed, I was no longer the same person, I knew this would require adjustments in certain areas of my life., but it never prepared me for this.
Sometimes connections and friendships no longer serve who we’ve become, and it can be a double-edged sword. When we begin to change our purpose and life may no longer serve the friendship we once adored. Also, if both people are no longer on the same page; you could possibly be doing one another a disservice. As difficult as it is to accept such truths; it is even more difficult to make the decision to no longer be apart of the friendship.
A spiritual companion of mine led me to such a beautiful revelation just recently. She said, “ Someone doesn’t have to be a bad person for you to move on from them, and do not look for reasons to vilify them either. She also said, “ Look at it this way, it is like looking into your wardrobe to discover that the things hanging in your closet are no longer your style, your taste.” Although relationships are far more precious than clothing- inevitable change can happen in our friendships. We must accept the reality that some friendships no longer fit into our life, and that’s ok.
Is there an easy way to end such relationships, no, but there is a right way. It is never ok to make the person feel worthless, or belittled, or hold them accountable for choices you made in the friendship, even in the case that the person may have participated in certain behaviors or decision making with you. Looking down on them in order to feel better about yourself. is an unfair trade. Also, if you truly care or love the person, be honest, no matter how hard it may be, have “the talk”, share your feelings not in a condemning manner, but in a manner where an open discussion is able to occur. In friendships we are not required to be mind readers, share you feelings.
Again, this is never an easy process. Some friendships may abruptly end leaving one confused or heartbroken, and some may end with a big blowout of some sort. And as cruel as it seems, some friendships are left with no goodbyes. However it may end, again it is not easy.
Let it die…
Let it die, because perhaps a higher power is putting you on notice, that the best version of yourself is ready to come forth, ready to be birthed in its place. And if that’s the case, learn to embrace the letting go fully. Allow yourself time to heal. The best thing you can do is part ways keeping the truth of the best memories you’ve shared. We must forgive. Forgive them, because when you forgive them you heal, and more importantly forgive yourself, and forgive what might of went wrong.
Lastly, just know in time you will see the beauty of the moment when you chose to let go and move on. As you walk into the new dimensions of your new found self- awareness and being…you leave room for more suitable relationships to enter your life. These relationships will be well equally equipt for where you are now and where you are headed. Letting go (whatever it may be) isn’t always easy, but it will be the greatest path to living a free and fulfilling life.