Letting go of people, places, events or things can be a process. There is not a sure-fire step by step guide for everyone to follow. It’s a combination of self-evaluation, forgiveness and taking courageous steps to improve your quality of life. I consider letting go as more of an art form because it has many elements that are based solely on the unique individual ready for change. That being said, this reviews elements and skills to consider as you journey into the process of letting go. It is recommended that you seek therapy or counseling. As therapy is a safe space that can provide individualized insight from a professional. The elements below are informative and do not substitute the assistance of therapy.
“Those who stand for nothing fall for anything”
Alexander Hamilton
KNOW YOURSELF
Self-evaluation and understanding yourself are keys to letting go. You should identify what you plan to achieve in the short term, long term and in various areas of life. If you are able to identify your needs, you can make purposeful decisions that lead to your goals. If you don’t know it all, that is ok too. Life is an organic process and these things do come up along the way. Part of self-evaluation is taking the steps to identify and connect with purpose, your purpose. Short term goals, long term goals and personal goals are all important aspects of our lives that align our steps and create a meaningful and intentional path.
“I think therefore I am.”
René Descartes
CREATE HABITS & UNDERSTAND LIMITS
Once you understand your goals you are then able to make decisions with purpose and intent. Letting go of things that do not align with your personal needs is a choice. These choices are a matter of self-care which as my dad would say is ”self-preservation”. Habits are small decisions that over time become ways of thinking and behavior. This process requires effort. However, once it becomes a habit, it is less of a task. It then becomes your lifestyle, your standard.
Sometimes you are called to change your environment or the people you associate with. If you are able to make those changes, then do so. However, if you cannot change these things then change your “perspective”. One should accept accountability and responsibility for letting go of old ideas that no longer serve a purpose in your goals. Therapy is a good space to identify what negative habits, barriers and other behaviors that prevent you from achieving goals. Therapy can be a part of your community, it is a safe space to process and identify when you are unable to secure those tools/skills on your own.
“The only constant in life is change”
Heraclitus
THINGS WILL CHANGE ADJUST ACCORDINGLY
Acknowledge that there are things beyond your control and constant change. Life may create circumstances that change your previously identified goals. Personal interests change over time as well. There is no age limit to growth, adjustment or learning. You may change your goals once you reach them or in the process of reaching them. Embrace growth and adjust accordingly.
Emotional intelligence is “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically” according to the dictionary. Emotions are a biological response to a shift in balance. Learning to understand, acknowledge and embrace your emotions is integral to letting go. Building good habits and practicing skills of emotional intelligence are priceless as you shift through life’s ups, downs and in between. In the words of a quote I adore. “Some people dance in the rain, others get wet”. Your relationship with your emotions can make a difference in your day to day and year to year.
“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it”
Lena Horne
LETTING GO IS FOR YOU
Remember letting go is for you. It is a way to release yourself of the burdens you carry. Letting go does not mean you forget. It is a process by which you learn from people, places and things. You then adjust your interaction so that you are able to remain content, peaceful and in line with your goals. It is releasing the illusion of control and accepting things and people for what they are.
This a road map of realizations that made my journey of letting go much more approachable. I’ve had many years of stubbornly hanging on to things and people unable to conceptualize a reason to let go. Once I took steps to get closer to alignment with my purpose and identify my goals. I did and a doing the work. Once I put in the work letting go became easier. The things and people that didn’t serve me no longer had a place. It became like trying to fit a circle in square peg.
The journey is yours. You can have the life you envision. Just create it!