What nobody tells you about meditation

You begin where meditation ends

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As I was scrolling through my Twitter feed after searching for #meditation, I noticed something. There is a lot of confusing information out there.

One tweet says meditation is about controlling the mind. Another says it’s about watching the mind. Yet another says it has nothing to do with the mind.

I notice that when I describe meditation to different people, I myself use phrases and descriptions that may sound at odds with each other. (For example, in my Meditation For Everyone, I walk the meditator through a simple, 2-step process to ease into meditation. Yet, in this article I will soon describe the three stages of meditation. Is there a contradiction? Read on…)

Despite all the info I came across, there was one aspect of meditation that nobody was talking about. That’s why I wrote this post.

But first let’s establish the fundamentals. I want to bring as much clarity to meditation as possible, because it is one of the most powerful introspective techniques there is. So let’s get right to it.

First, what is meditation?

Meditation is an introspective technique that increases your awareness of who and what you are, and as a result, of what your abilities are.

Most people in our society are taught from a young age that they are a body, and perhaps, a mind. But we are not taught what the nature of the mind is, what its limits and capabilities are, and how it shapes our identity. We are not taught that the sense of identity we have isn’t fixed, or that when that sense of identity shifts, we begin to recognize previously unseen aspects of ourselves. All this happens in the dance between mind and the core of our awareness.

Meditation isn’t magic. It makes sense: Place more attention on you, and you will discover much more of you. The results are better than any magic trick.

Why is meditation important?

It’s important because much of the unhappiness and frustration a person faces is because we are caught in a case of mistaken identity. We were told we are so-and-so, and we believed it. But the truth is we are also so-and-so, not only so-and-so. The rest of our identity is waiting in the background. Recognizing our full identity is like coming home. You know when you’re driving home after a really long and exhausting trip and you’re tired and your back hurts from being in the car so long and the Cheetos just aren’t cutting it and the song you really want to hear just won’t play???

…and then… you get home… and flop onto your bed… and just like that… everything shifts. It all becomes okay. When you wake up in the morning, everything seems different.

It’s kinda like that. When the case of mistaken identity is solved, everything shifts, and it all becomes okay. Problems don’t go away. Instead, they are put in a radically different context.

What are the 3 stages of meditation?

Now Iet’s describe 3 stages of one of the most common types of meditation.

Stage 1: Observing thoughts and feelings.

This is often the most difficult stage for someone starting to meditate. Thoughts fly around with dizzying speed. Memories erupt. Frustration abounds…

“Am I doing this right?”
“I’m not doing this right!”
“How the hell do people actually meditate? This is impossible!”
“I will be the only person who never learns to meditate.”
“Why did I do this?”
“How am I supposed to control this mind? It controls me!”

If you’ve had these thoughts, or are having these thoughts, give yourself a pat on the back. These are the symptoms of early success in Stage 1. No, really, I’m not kidding. Everyone has similar thoughts and frustrations.

By taking the time to watch your thoughts and feelings, just as someone might watch a movie, you are making an evolutionary leap. You are starting to learn how the control system works, how your inner GPS navigates.

As Stage 1 progresses, the incessant thoughts and feelings and memories that run together like a thick goo will slowly start to separate. Gaps will appear between them. What do you have to do? Just keep watching, nothing else. At some point, you’ll notice the gaps as much as you notice the content filling the gaps. That’s the beginning of Stage 2.

Stage 2: Observing silence.

This stage begins when attention shifts from content (thoughts, feelings, etc) to the silent gaps in between the content. You make an intention to ignore the content and instead focus on the silence. You see the canvas instead of the painting. You hear silence instead of music. You attend to the background rather than the foreground.

As Stage 2 progresses, the duration of the gaps will increase. Silence will seem louder than sound. The background will come to the foreground. The busy world of thought content will seem more distant, but still clear and relatable.

A point of clarification. Observing silence doesn’t mean you are trying to be silent. You are simply noticing the silence between the episodes of content that play in the mind. Your attention is placed on silence. No effort is needed to increase or manipulate silence, or change your thoughts.

Sometimes you’ll notice silence clearly. Often, you won’t. Either one is success, as long as you continue.

This silence is the road home.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost

Travel the road of silence. It cannot but lead you home.

Stage 3: Losing yourself.

This is the stage of meditation that nobody tells you about… 


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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.


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