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The #1 way to be a couple that lasts in 2020…and beyond.

Three questions you and your partner can ask that will help you develop a statement about who you want to be together.

As a professor I grade a lot of papers and presentations.  One of the keys to grading fairly and being consistent is having an assignment rubric.  Rubrics outline for students what the expectations are for each assignment and help them understand a teacher’s rationale for giving points or taking away points.  Rubrics help the teacher and student make decisions about how to grade and how to complete an assignment. 

A rubric can also be a helpful tool in life.  How do you determine if the decisions you are making professionally and personally are beneficial?  Maybe rubric is not a term you have heard, but I would suspect mission statement or purpose statement are familiar phrases.  Whatever the term, each carries a spirit of intention.  Rubrics and mission statements have to be considered and drawn up.  There is a purposeful effort made to lay out a path forward.  

Have you ever thought of intentionally developing a statement about who you want to be as a couple?  Too often we hope that our couple relationship will work out and be fulfilling but we take very little time to intentionally pursue a path that will make our hopes reality.  Our culture has this idea that if love is real it organically grows and gets deeper, sexier, and more fulfilling.  Sadly, this is not the case.  Any good thing that lasts has to be cultivated and tended to with intention.  

Here are three questions you and your partner can ask that will help you develop a statement about who you want to be together: 

  1. Who is the happiest couple I know (this can be a real couple or a couple you see in the media or have read about)?  What qualities do they seem to have as a couple that contribute to their happiness?  
  2. What passions do my partner and I share (ex: a passion for adventure, family, creativity, career success, cooking, laughing etc)?
  3. If today was the last day I had on earth, what would I want more of?

As a couple, grab a sheet of paper, go through each question, jot down everything that comes to your mind and see what truths begin to emerge.  What do you both notice about what you are saying?  Are there any themes that seem to repeat themselves or feel more salient than others?  What are you discovering about your couple relationship?  Are there things you want to be doing, pursuing, or being as a couple?  

After taking some time with these questions try and develop a statement, phrase, or series of words that captures the life you want to live together.  This is your rubric or mission statement.  Be intentional and if you find you are not being the couple you want to be, make a change.  If you are headed in the right couple direction, keep going, and what steps can you take this year to stay on the path you want?  The number one way to be a couple that lasts in 2020 and beyond, is to intentionally develop a rubric, mission statement, or whatever that describes who you and your partner want to be together.    

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