The #1 Coaching Skill I Learned

At a recent training opportunity, I reflected on the most valuable skill I have learned as a coach.

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I have recently had the honor of being invited to serve as a trainer of a Coach the Coach program as well as become a mentor coach for coaches that are applying for credentialing through the International Coach Federation.

Working at this level has caused me to go back to Coaching 101. One of the course participants asked me “What is the most valuable skill you’ve learned as a coach.”

Without skipping a beat, I said, “Holding my client as totally creative, resourceful, and whole.”

When I first heard this phrase, I kept reflecting on how powerful it would be to interact with another human being in this manner. I began to think of how I would feel if others regarded me as totally creative, resourceful, and whole and how that would change the interface between each other and there would always be a feeling of respect.

In college, I majored in psychology and sociology. Many years after graduating, I returned to work on my masters in psychology. I lasted two semesters. In my third course, I analyzed case studies and diagnosed the disorder. I had difficulty seeing myself place a label on others and then treat to the label. To me this was working with something that was not whole.

Coaching, on the other hand, treats clients as totally creative, resourceful, and whole.

I began looking at my clients in this manner and realized they had their own answers. They just needed a guide to help them navigate their journey until they could see themselves in this manner.

When I saw the impact on my clients of believing this about them, I began to look through this lens to those in my personal life.

My life and the way I related to people changed.

I began to relate to my close business associates, friends and family in a very different manner.

When I held them as totally creative, I could remain more open to their opinions and place a higher value on their input.

When I held them as totally resourceful, I soon realized that what works for me may not work for them.  I began to help them find their own answers and not providing mine.

When I held them as whole, their flaws soon looked like assets, as these were parts of them that made them whole. I began to appreciate our differences. 

I challenge you to begin looking at your relationship through this lens. It is a much brighter one that can help you see more clearly.

And remember, you too are totally creative, resourceful and whole.

Powerful, huh?

Written by Pat Obuchowski

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