When I broke up with my Ex, my world fell apart. All plans and hopes were swept away. I was totally convinced I’d be single till the end of my days. What else? It was him, whom I shared so much with. How could I ever connect so deeply with anyone else? We’d had something so unique and special…
And yet – never say never.
I’m not saying it was easy. Moreover – everything but easy. Actually, it was one of the hardest and most important lessons of my life. But you know what? We weren’t born to do only easy things in life.
Today, 6 years later, I could thank my Ex for divorcing me. I’m in a great relationship, but furthermore, my life certainly is better on SO MANY levels… I feel more… myself, I believe in me, I feel cared for and loved, I respect my own limits, I feel well as a woman, I achieve my dreams, I’m so much more relaxed…
So OMG Ex – cheers, mate! It was worth it!
Crappy experience as the divorce is, it also gives you a set of chances. Use them the best way you can, if only for the reason that, since you’re going to suffer anyway, you might as well use it to grow.
How many of us ask ourselves why are we here, on this planet, in this life? How many people live aware of the ‘here and now’, like today was the last day of their lives? How many search for answers, contemplate the world around them?
Funny thing about us people. Our inborn laziness keeps us from excessively working on ourselves. Oh well, that’s our nature – to save energy. Only in tough moments when there is no other way are we willing to ‘do something’. Only when life kicks our butts hard enough does our motivation rise enough to make that effort and change something for the better.
Like it or not, only in those tough moments of our lives are we willing to make the effort it takes to grow.
And it would be a pity to waste your pain and have nothing to show for it!
Read, search, follow your intuition. Do everything you can to cope with the past. Scream in your car like crazy or cry like a baby, even you’re a 6’ 2”, square-jawed, muscled guy. Start therapy, join support groups, search self-development programs. Just DO. And give yourself time. It’s going to last and, let’s be honest, it is not going to get better either tomorrow or next week. This span of time will suck, definitely. It will, because you’re going through one of the hardest things in your life (if not the most).
All that rots inside you: fury, regret, grief, you name it. Get it out, because if you hide it inside – it will get smelly. How are you to start a new life one day, if your heart is bitter and cynical? It will hurt just like a wound hurts. In order to get a wound right, you need to clean it, disinfect it and then put a clean dressing on so it can heal properly. If you don’t do it, the wound will turn green and stinky and you’ll risk amputation. And what kind of life is there if one ‘amputates’ his heart and cuts off his feelings?
So clean and disinfect your emotional wounds. Yes, it will hurt. Moreover – like bloody hell. But you were not born yesterday, right? And you know, that sometimes we rise up and are motivated to do things that are hard to achieve. Maybe it’s because we’ve been kicked hard enough.
Take all the time you need. But not a minute longer. It’s your life, so don’t waste more time than is absolutely necessary.
Check a short guide on what to expect on your way.
Only then will you start on new ground. Start with asking questions. Who are you now, anyway? What do you like? What do you want in life? What is essential? What can you let go? Surprisingly, being middle aged, give or take a few years, you’re getting to know yourself. Perhaps for the first time in your life. Certainly better than ever before. Appreciating your strengths, aware of the weaknesses, loyal to yourself. And that is the part where things get exciting.
We make the relationships so complicated – with all the demands, ‘shoulds’ and all the restrictions… Meanwhile, many of the divorced people – if they learned their life lesson right – are often so much more relaxed in their new relationships. When you know who you really are, you respect yourself and others. You let go of many things and set your limits clearly. You don’t need the other person to make your life full, worthy or interesting. All you need to do is CHOOSE the mutual joy of being together. Oh, and enjoy the easygoing sex. What a relief!
Choosing to move forward with your life is gonna be tough. But it’s hard to wallow in misery, too, so what’s the difference, really? Go and fight for yourself. Win the battle and enjoy a much better life.
And some time from now… send your Ex a thank you card that says, ‘Thanks for divorcing me and giving me the opportunity to grow!‘