Tell me what you want in your marriage and let me tell you how to get it

Tell me what you want, what you really really want and I’ll tell you if you will get it.

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The problem is often we just don’t know, maybe I’ll stay, maybe I’ll go, maybe I’ll just make do.

When you are working on this sort of energy it is impossible to make any positive headway on a problem, any problem. We, however, are talking about a very specific issue. We are talking about your marriage and how will you know if it can be saved or not?

I have worked with and spoken to hundreds of women; women who don’t know whether to stay, whether to go and women who have gone and regretted it, (did you know that 50% of us regret divorcing our partner). I even spoke to women who just knew they were making the right decision because I was curious to know how they “knew.”

I collated hours worth of talking and probing and questioning and created my own self-analysis questionnaire.

It helps each individual arrive at your own conclusion about the state of your marriage and the chances of saving it.

This information is invaluable and with it, you are ready to take action.


This is the most important question you will ever ask yourself and when answered openly, honestly and with some level of self-knowledge it will give you the answers you seek.

Step One:

Clarity – What is your desired outcome?

Do you want to reconnect with your husband?

Do you want your marriage to feel good again?

Do you want it to simply end?

There’s no wrong answer……except either not answering or wanting someone to be someone different than who they are.

Once you know what it is you want, then the question becomes,


Step Two:

Brainstorming some Options

Open up, create a safe, judgement free environment for him to open up and share.

Make yourself vulnerable, without attaching blame

Share your dreams for the marriage and how you think it would work?

Take responsibility, say sorry,

Acknowledge we all make mistakes and be willing to work on WHY rather than WHAT happened?

Be HONEST with yourself,

Be willing to walk away if nothing changes (empty ultimatums drain your power),
Face your fears – find out what your rights are legally and financially

Step Three:

Honest Appraisal: What was your first reaction?

Nothing – I’m not prepared to do anything! Then you really aren’t committed enough to change to successfully make that happen.

Yeah, that sounds okay – I’ll try that – Sorry trying is a recipe for failure – “To Try” is giving yourself permission to fail before your start! No-one has ever achieved their dreams by trying – they got what they want by DOING – I WILL DO THAT!! Doing whatever it takes!!

I want it but I’ve tried before and failed – Now we are getting somewhere – you tried you know what went wrong and you can re-adjust your crown and try again.

Remember what Robert The Bruce once said – If at first, you don’t succeed try, try and try again. This doesn’t mean flogging a dead horse that means taking stock (understanding what you are trying to achieve and modifying your plan – if you find yourself thinking I will get him to do this or that, or if only I could get him to see how his behaviour is affecting me – then you need to regroup and adjust your plan.

No-one ever responds well to a full frontal attack and no headway will ever be made whilst your partner is on the defensive. Think – connection – I want him to know how I feel so that he is comfortable sharing his emotions and feeling with me.

Yes – I want that with all my heart – then tell him now. Explain that you have no idea how to make it happen – but you believe together is is possible – and keep an open heart, mind and heart. Listen to hear what he is telling you not to answer him or justify. Really listen to him – he will feel the difference.

Step Four:

Action Plan

Nothing ever changes unless we take action – we can’t think things different, we can pray things differently, we can’t wish things different – but we can take action and make things different.

Why do I need a plan? To keep you moving – to help you create stepping stones to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Change comes one step at a time and we need to know what steps we are taking in order to make achieve the change we desire.

Go back to step two – check out the ideas you brainstormed – what will help kick-start your marriage again (there is no right or wrong answer – you will know).

Step Five:

Take action :

What is the first step?

When will you start (hint – now is always a good time)?

What help do you need to ensure success?

How will you know you have succeeded – what will be happening?

What may stop you from taking action? What will you do if this happens?

Allison Reiner is a qualified Personal Development Coach, Mentor, and Speaker. So if you are ready to turn your breaking point into the breakthrough moment, you can find her on the web or you can book a connection call by clicking this link but whatever you do, don’t leave until you know how to be 100 percent happy in love. Come and join Allison’s Facebook community, a support network for people who are ready to reignite their love but don’t know how to.

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