It’s 5:36AM and I’m having my morning tea- a drastic change from my usual 4-5 cups of coffee. What changed as I reached for my mug this morning? I’m not sure; but I’m feeling much more relaxed, calm, and content after the three-day weekend.
As I thought about today’s Full Moon, letting go of energy that no longer serves me, and saying goodbye to the past, I recognized one more thing I needed to let go of: accepting responsibility or blame for things I am not responsible for.
Guilt is something that was ingrained in me from a young age. I broke a vase on accident once and was given the silent treatment for days. I didn’t respond to a letter my father wrote me and was screamed at on the phone. I was only 8 or 9 when these things happened. My confidence was pretty low already, but with each guilt trip, bully attack, or raised voice, it got lower and lower over the years.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was protecting my energy even back then. I avoided people I knew were toxic. I spent time alone in fear of being hurt by others. I kept my creative endeavors private and close to my heart, for the last thing I needed was someone to critique me. My art and words were for me to cope.
I have lived my life constantly wondering, “what’s next?” I have always lived with anxiety, but now I understand why. I also understand that I no longer have to live that way.
Spending time alone is what has always been most comfortable, because I can’t get hurt that way. As a highly spiritual person, I feel at ease by myself. I learned over the years, though, that the world isn’t so scary; there are wonderful people.
I have met those people, and they have taught me to live life through a lens of love, not fear.
As a writer, I get personal attacks about my character from time to time. These attacks used to hurt- but then I have to remember, although I’ve poured my soul into this blog, these people still don’t know me.
The truth is, people need someone else to blame for their own faults. They need to feel superior in order to feel their voice can be heard, they need to be loud to think they’ll make a difference, and they need to go for the little guy in order to have someone to stand against.
That’s fine, but that’s the ego mind. I don’t have time for that any longer.
Some of the best advice ever given to me was from a very wise lady I met during my time in Southaven, Mississippi. After confiding in her, she looked at me and said “don’t sweat the small stuff- for it’s all small stuff. Be like a duck. Let it roll off your back.”
I’ve thought about those beautiful words every day since October 2016.
Have I practiced it perfectly? Of course not- I’m only human. I never claimed to be a guru or an expert- what I have done, though, is stepped out of my comfort zone, shared pieces of my life, and have written about the lessons I have learned.
I have shared my views on the world as I see it. We all have views, stories, and ideas. I share mine, and you’re entitled to share yours. However, it isn’t anyone’s place to poke at someone else’s journey.
Live and let live… and let words roll off your back, just like a duck.
Originally published at mindfulinstyle.blog