For an introvert like me, it is hard to find a companion who is as companionable as solitude. And once you find one, it is hard to let them go.
In my days of school, never was I able to engage with the children around which clearly means that I didn’t have even a handful of people whom I could honor with the title “friends”. Maybe I lost myself behind the unalterable identity of a quiet kid who restricted herself to the boundaries of her little world. From the morning assembly to the last bell, all I used to do was to keep up with myself in solace. I never knew what being a friend to someone felt like, neither did I learn to speak up with people. Well, now do I realize this was the sole reason why I decided to alter my future in Journalism and Mass Communication. I wanted to open up with people and recreate myself in the frame of life. I desired being explored until the depths of my heart. Journalism, though catered me with a platform to redescribe myself with full-on confidence and a chance to pen down the new beginning of my life on a glossy blank sheet.
This journey got me to strangers who read me the way I actually was and hardly took any time in turning to the most precious gems of my life. Obviously, I adored them more than they did or should I say more than they deserved! I met people, felt comfortable with them and then dramatically restricted myself in a small zone. Force of habit!
Confiding into people who do not really value your emotions or have simply taken you for granted can be a major disappointment at the end of the day. A disappointment that is hard to realize and hardest to overcome. Being in such a situation, makes people ignore reality exactly the way it happened with me. I knowingly ignored every single disgrace and let them hurt me the way they wanted to. And all of this happened merely under a myth that they loved me the way I did. But there is always a bold line of bearing, which once reached, makes people believe in reality and ultimately forces them to move on regardless of how much you would have lent yourself in that relationship.
All you need to do is catch that hint and work on it. Feelings like jealousy and hatred are the major clues for such perceptions. People usually look for a reason to step out of a certain relationship but when you realize your line of patience is crossed, you don’t really need a reason to move on. Well, this could also be an outcome of a specific situation that must not have happened, or it could simply be the result of a series of emotions running in mind over a period of time. For me, it was a continuous series of events that led me to step out of the group and make a move to the roads of pleasure.
Once I was out, trust me I felt like the happiest person alive. I had no reason to drop tears, neither did I had a reason to overthink. I started sleeping well, eating well, and ultimately staying well. Every single person needs to understand that a toxic relationship can never make you feel alive. It is always better to move apart rather than illtreat yourself for a sin that you have not even committed. All you need to do is to cater yourself with what pleasures you the most. Afterall YOU are IMPORTANT. So stay in bed, order food online, get your favorite series, and feel the delight instead of looking for ways to change yourself for people who aren’t really worth it.