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Burnt Out Mom’s Guide to Sustainable Intimacy Practices

Finding a Balance between Motherhood and Intimacy with Your Partner

Question: Allana, please help me. I feel as if I am being pulled in two separate directions.  My children are awake before my alarms goes off.  I hit the ground running each morning and face plant each night from exhaustion.  My husband and I barely see each other. I feel as if we are like two ships passing in the night. I attempt to work out when I can and make a genuine effort to eat healthy but at the same time, I don’t feel sexy and to be honest, while the exercise does help the stress – I feel cranky 99% of the time! 

Answer: I hear you my sister and I applaud your spirit, effort, and commitment. You are an amazing mother and your family truly does appreciate what you do for them. I am honored that you have reached out, even when I know you are doing your best.  Remember, even Wonder Woman needs help sometimes! 

Get intimate with Little You: I define intimacy as into me I see. If when we look inside we beat ourselves up for not being a perfect mom, reject our wobbly ass and feel jealous of other less wobbly asses, or stuff our little self away in a closet in our heart while spinning overwhelmed in our mind… things are going to go from bad to worse FAST.

Sustainable intimacy practice: every morning before you get up and every evening when you go to sleep, put one hand on your heart and the other one on your belly and breathe. Say, hey little one, how are you? Begin to create an intimate relationship with your wobbly self. Instead of fixing her or telling her to get snappy and be happy, egg knowledge her, validate her, listen without judgment, develop the patience of eternity to be present and unconditionally loving with yourself. You are doing your best. Exhale. Let this moment be enough.

From that grounded, centered, peaceful place of allowance, ask your little self what she needs. She may need to ask for support, delegate something, or let it be OK to order takeout every so often. As you are more intimate honest vulnerable raw and connected to yourself, you’ll be able to connect with your husband, kids and friends more authentically. A cocoon of safety will emerge inside you, and you will be that secure space for those you love.

Stainglass pedicure party: we forgotten the art of women’s circles, priestess temples, red tents… being with women and being tender with each other is healing and nourishing for your body mind and spirit.

Sustainable intimacy practice: Instead of going to the local nail salon, this time invite a girlfriend over and bring over all of your nail polish bottles. Wash your feet and clean off your toenails and allow the other woman to nurture you, tend to you, care for you, and paint your toes a little bit of every color in a beautiful Stainglass pattern.

Learn to receive, learn to allow, learn to let things be messy, learn to be cared for and adored. Talk about something meaningful, vulnerable, real. Exhale and be beautifully connected to her sister. Then paint her toenails… And noticed how nourished and supported, seen and understood you feel. Then go pick up the kids and make dinner… And notice how everything slows down a bit, how you’re able to savor moments more easily, how your has been comments on how radiant you look today.

Date night on the back deck: plants need water and relationships need date nights. Whether you have kids or not, and even if you’re a single mom… Taking your Honey or yourself out on a weekly date. Its imperative to self-care, personal growth, and the nourishment of your relationship.

Sustainable intimacy practice: money ought never to be an excuse for not having date night. I think the most sexy intimate dates are on the back porch at sunset. And even if it’s snowy out, bundling up and going outside even for a few moments to embrace and be close is hugely beneficial. Begin the date with five minutes of thank you‘s… Appreciate and knowledge even the tiniest things about each other, the things that normally go unnoticed.

Stay physically connected and hold hands so that you verbally physically and energetically connect in this gratitude ritual. You’d be amazed how a few weeks of this practice remind you are you fell in love with each other and helps see each other with fresh appreciative eyes 🙂

True intimacy takes courage, slowing down, authenticity and vulnerability… And the pay off is deepening your sense of feeling seen, honored, supported and connected. The benefits ripple into patience with parenting and creativity with your job. You’ll definitely feel sexier and these daily sustainable intimacy practices will even melt away muffin tops because your body is no longer being flooded by cortisol being stressed out and overwhelmed all the time 🙂 

Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.

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