Yesterday 4th of April I joined millions of lightworkers around the globe in meditation to elevate global consciousness. It was 3:45am in London and the energy overflowed my body.
A clear download resonated in my head when I asked the question: How can I play better my role?
‘If you want to serve the world make yourself happy because only when you are following the path that makes you feel alive you will be able to give your best and be the gift you are here to be.’
This is the message I want to share with you today. Find what makes you happy, you might have something you can’t live without, there might be something you know energizes you and yet, you haven’t dared to step into it out of any kind of fear. NOW it’s time. Feel whatever it is you need to feel, heal whatever it is you need to heal, release and let go of whatever needs to go and rise, rise, because as Dorothy found out in her quest to meet the Wizard of Oz: We had the power all along!
The power is our choice, our free will. Where we choose to set our focus, what do we give our energy to, what do we take at face value, the thoughts we entertain, the things about ourselves we love and hate, the things that trigger us. The outside world is responding to our inner world and these days if you pay attention the windows of awareness open even quicker. You can literally step into hell and out to heaven in the same instant by shifting the way you look at things and how you are feeling ‘in’ you.
When writing I observed that most of what I write about isn’t original, it comes from books, quotes, conversations I’ve had or thoughts. This information can be found in some other book, someone else might have thought the same and in the end, the downloads are available for all to pick and tune into it. Writing becomes then a mere exercise of catharsis, a healing way of letting it all out when the spoken word doesn’t measure the emotions I’m going through. It’s something that comes so natural to me that it would be a sin to ignore it.
Isn’t that paradoxical? Something so easy for me might be hard for someone else and that’s exactly why I choose to pay attention and dedicate energy to see where the words take me. The stream of thought will take my hand and let me fly above anything that tries to bury me and I will sense the exact same feelings as if I had traveled in reality.
Everything we see is in our brains… I don’t understand anything these days. How have we gotten to this point? How long will it take for me to embrace the power I have been neglecting all these years? What will it take for me to understand that if I want to change something it’s all up to me? How many times do I have to get hurt, disrespected, betrayed, mocked at, laughed at, underestimated, until I acknowledge who has always been the Queen of the beehive?
Last night I discerned something:
The more I look around the less I see of me.
The more I feel not supported.
When I look within I feel safe.
This detour or pause is meant to teach me something.
I asked for it, then, I felt unsupported, suddenly someone got angry with me, the thing that I was asking for got messed up, someone else started being dodgy and I just observed, I said nothing.
I have been living in an environment created by my previous self and I have outgrown it.
Is this really what I have in me?
Am I really supporting myself?
Do I really feel deserving of what I want?
And that’s why I know it’s my time to let go of the illusion of safety and take a leap of faith into the unknown, to really let go, I know what I want, I know I can do it, now it’s time to get out of my own way and surrender.
What used to trigger me before, what used to make me want to cry, what used to make me angry, what used to make me feel small, what was it’s gone. Every single trigger was part of my shadow and integrating all those parts within me, being ok with ‘the good, the bad and the ugly’ without labelling it, just being ok with it, accepting that I am not perfect and that’s perfect per se, ah, what a relief!
Nobody owes me anything, I don’t owe anyone anything. If they want to come, I’m here. If they want to go, let them. If they want to stay, I set my boundaries and welcome them. I no longer feel the need to pressure something.
The more I face this, the more I face myself, the victim, the little girl in me grows freely.
It’s like I am collecting all the pieces I left in others, building my puzzle back again. Turning every weakness into strength, stepping out with the courage to know that I am here for a limited period of time and I can choose to be ok with the reality we have all created while taking back my power to create my own.
What if…what if I never get to achieve what I set out to achieve? I can choose to be ok with it.
What if…what if I never meet that person or those people I am longing for, call them partners, friends, soul family? I can choose to be ok with it.
What if…what if I messed big time, I have wasted my time and now there’s no way I can get out of this? I choose to be ok with it.
Surrendering is not a weakness. Surrendering is the powerful recognition that you can trust in your heart’s desires and know, feel in all your being, that nothing has ever been missing, that you have always been whole, that you can get through this and that no-one can mess your vibe or hold you back, you had the power all along! Surrendering is knowing that you will get what you set out to manifest and you don’t break while patiently waiting for it to unfold.
Instead of dwelling in the how, when, what, where, who…focus on the feeling, on the emotion, of the vibration, on your breath. Now we have time. Time to give ourselves the gift of time. Ignore the noise. Ignore the clatter, focus inward, that’s where the treasure is.
We don’t need anything else. To connect is to be, to be is to live and to live is what we are here for. To nurture our talents and gifts. To embrace the continuous flow of changes and to know that when things are crumbling they are simply making space for something better to enter that space.
I recognized that it was more about what I feel I am deserving of, the behavior I no longer tolerate, the things I no longer accept from others or myself towards me, the standards I’ve set for myself and that’s why the things around me look out of place, they are not in tune with who I am now and they are merely a projection of who I was then. If that makes any sense.
And that’s how you know you have grown. When you don’t react, you simply observe in awe the creation around you and say: Wow! I had literally no idea…that I could do this. Imagine what I can do now that I know!
The infinite possibilities await for you to choose. Every choice changes the game over the board and yet, every choice will always take you where you are meant to be.
This game was meant for me to win, my thoughts, my beliefs, I was the only one in my way.
Until now. I surrender. Fighting against the tide is too strenuous. I know that my heart knows the way.