Suggestions in the Art of Small Talk

Instead of asking “how are you”, you could ask me, “what color is your heart?”

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Instead of ‘how are you,’ you could ask me, ‘what color’s your heart now?’ and if you know it’s blue, you could say, ‘what shade?’ 
and if it’s a dark one maybe just hold me?

Instead of ‘how was your weekend,’ you could tease: ‘did you get in any trouble over the weekend?’ to get it out of the way in case I did and if I say no, we can breathe in relief; I survived the weekend.

Instead of ‘how was work?’ you could ask: ‘what are you thinking about right now?’ That way I don’t have to go back to work in my thoughts and can stay where I am: with you.

Instead of ‘how did you sleep?’ what about exclaiming: ‘you woke up! amazing how that works.’

Instead of ‘I love you,’ you could say, ‘I was thinking about something you said yesterday…’ or, ‘last week,’ or, ‘last year…’ the more you love me the further back you’ll go… and if you weren’t thinking about anything I said well.

Maybe you don’t really love me and just like having someone around and we should in fact make small talk so small you can’t see it.

Originally published at

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