I work with women in business and it’s safe to say that when we first start working together they base success primarily on their level of income. Running a close second is their “tribe size” and subsequent interaction from them – likes, comments and shares plus the dreaded “email list”.
Is happiness, success?
Sadly, I rarely hear women talking about how much personal growth they have experienced. There is little conversation around what the JOURNEY is teaching them. Levels of happiness, fulfilment and connection appear to walk quietly behind the primary desire for financial success.
You know what’s even more interesting? That I see these amazing women, with amazing businesses, hitting their financial goals and…….. still it’s not enough. Why is that?
My personal and professional experience is teaching me the same lesson over and over again. The pursuit of financial goals is often a disguise for an emotional need to be met or hurt to be healed.
Maybe it’s years of “female repression” that we are collectively kicking back against and proving that we CAN be financially independent and/or breadwinners? Or perhaps we’ve suddenly realised that we’ve spent the first 40 years of our existence being everything to everyone else and now it’s OUR time? Is there a deep need to be successful in the belief you’ll receive the unconditional love that you didn’t get as a child?
Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone but for many, money desires and issues run deep. Those issues are never about the money but rather their beliefs around money and how it pertains to them as a person. So you see, it doesn’t matter how much they do or do not make, until they deal with the emotional sabatouer, they will continue to feel the same.
When I started my first business in 2012, as a personal trainer and fat loss coach, I had a part time job as an office clerk earning £8/hour. I took home £700/month. I’d never considered myself able to have a career because I didn’t have any “real qualifications” and after a couple of years as a single parent, claiming benefits, I didn’t have much going for me.
Eventually I quit the part time job to work completely for myself. In time, I was taking between £3.5 and £5k per month and I was absolutely MISERABLE. I lived in fear of not being and giving enough. I had nightmares about clients leaving, not getting new ones, being found out as a fraud, losing everything I had built and above all else, being seen as a failure. Again. (Incidentally, it was this experience that brought me to what I do today because I never wanted another women in business to feel this way).
What I realised, through working on myself, was that I didn’t really think much of myself. I’d never really felt enough my whole life and now I was asking people to pay me for not being enough. I thought the more I earned the more successful I would feel. Now I know the truth.
The more successful I FEEL, the more money I MAKE.
As corny as it sounds, success is the journey. It’s about finding out WHO you really are and WHAT you are truly capable of. It’s about testing your boundaries. Choosing happiness. Being a nice person. Loving your family. Experiecing. Living. Trusting. Growing.
Success is a life LIVED, not existed. Be sure to make your business/career and your finances just ONE aspect of your successful life. Learn that success is a FEELING and that in generating that feeling and CHOOSING what a successful LIFE looks like, you will achieve what you desire.
Wealth, Abundnace, Richness – it’s all wonderful. I love to make money and lots of it. It affords me the lifestyle I desire. It also allows me to make a bigger, positive impact in the world and that lights me up.
The best way to get some clarity for yourself is to get quiet. Imagine dropping your head in to your heart, turn off that busy brain. Ask what the real motivation is behind money being your definition of success. Ask yourself who are you if you don’t have that? Can you come up with other ways to measure your success?
It’s a very freeing exercise and when you start to implement what you learn, you can really start to enjoy growing and making more money.