Stephan Labossiere: “Decrease Negative Influence”

People don’t realize the power of food and how it affects our moods, energy levels. In order to have the ability to stay positive and in a consistent state of self-love and love for others, you have to consistently eat right. When I started eating right that was when I saw a difference in my […]

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People don’t realize the power of food and how it affects our moods, energy levels. In order to have the ability to stay positive and in a consistent state of self-love and love for others, you have to consistently eat right. When I started eating right that was when I saw a difference in my own life.

As a part of my series about “How To Learn To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Stephan Labossiere. Stephan is a man on a mission to make relationships happier and more fulfilling. As a certified relationship coach, speaker, and author, Stephan seize opportunities to help both men and women overcome the challenges that hinder their relationships. From understanding the opposite sex to navigating the paths and avoiding the pitfalls of relationships and self-growth. Stephan’s relationship advice and insight help countless individuals achieve an authentically amazing life. Labossiere empowers millions to take charge of the difficult situations standing in the way of the life and love they seek in order to make impactful changes on a daily basis.

Dedicated to helping others and devoted to keeping it real, Stephan’s straightforward, yet compassionate delivery style, attracts a versatile clientele including; notable celebrities, civic and social organizations, academic institutions, singles, and couples alike, who can and are ready to handle the truth!

Tom Joyner Morning Show, The Examiner, ABC, GQ, Mashable, and Huffington Post Live, to name a few.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

The journey was a spiritual one that stemmed from me simply asking God what he wanted me to do with my life. I’ve been fortunate that most of my life people have allowed me glimpses into their lives and shared stories of authentic vulnerability. It gave me the opportunity to realize how many people in the world are hurting and needed help with relationships whether. This realization led me down the path of contribution, helping transform not just the way we love but relationships.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

There are a couple of projects in the works. The one that is upcoming will be the release of “Love After Heartbreak,” which will be available on Audible. As we come upon the holidays, many people are struggling, as past pains and traumas resurface. My hope is that Love After Heartbreak will help people start 2021 with a positive and healthy path.

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?

When I was in college I had family issues. It caused me to have an emotional breakdown and miss my final exam. The professor allowed me to retake the exam under the condition that I go see the school therapist. At the time, I felt as though it was something I had to do but by the time I was done with the session I was in tears. That was the moment I began to see how much we bury within us. Going to therapy allowed me to realize the impact coaching and therapy play in our lives. That was the first step to leveling up my own growth.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very unsatisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

In today’s hyper digital world, we’re so digitally connected especially on social media that our image of beauty is magnified. Physical beauty is put onto a higher pedestal that’s being manipulated through filters and angles. Many people have a warped sense of beauty and self. They end up with this deep desire to emulate what they feel men or women are chasing after. Ultimately this is the cause of unhealthy mindsets in so many people.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

The number one rule, if you don’t love yourself you won’t live a high-quality life. Toxic behaviors exhibit themselves when we don’t love ourselves, leading to unhealthy habits and relationships. For those who are unhealed and want a relationship, they end up tolerating mediocre or toxic relationships. A self-love is a form of protection that casts out toxic relationships. If you’re lacking in self-love it can manifest into physical ailments from diseases to depression.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

People don’t believe that better exists and it’s due in part to them being exposed to bad examples of relationships or even being brainwashed by others convincing them good men or women don’t exist, so they settle. The lack of self-love and healing plays a tremendous role in more people settling for less than what they deserve.

Some people do it because they don’t want a higher standard for themselves or even in life. If they are with someone with excellence it calls for them to level up which can be uncomfortable. That’s why many people settle for mediocrity, to them it’s easier there.

When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

The most important question to ask yourself is, who hurt me? It’s a must-ask question that’s part of the healing process. Too many people are running away from our past traumas and the fact of the matter is that our flaws stem from our disappointments. When people realize how the situation impacted our lives we can get to the root of the hurt. For example, if someone is an alcoholic it stems from something much deeper than the addiction to alcohol.

Another question to ask yourself is would I date me? Are you someone who you really want to date? If you can’t meet your standards of self-love then you have to work on things such as possessing the right qualities of someone who you would want to date. Character is your attitude and energy; it’s not about materialistic things or money. Work on your character at a foundational level first.

Before becoming a relationship coach, I was dating a woman and the relationship wasn’t working out.

It was when a friend of mine said, “Maybe you don’t know yourself yet and that’s why this isn’t working out.” At the time I couldn’t fathom that was the case but prayer it put me in the mindset of, is there something I’m missing? Do I need to grow or am I lacking in certain directions? By asking those questions I realized I didn’t know myself at that time.

So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

Extremely important! It’s the fear of being alone that leads to people entertaining mediocre relationships. We tend to accept mediocre because we’re afraid to start over. Being alone creates a safeguard and gives you a chance to learn how to enjoy life when you are alone. There are some people who dwell in sadness when they’re alone, instead, learn how to be happy while alone. When you’re able to do that it pays off well for you in life overall.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

What it does when you achieve self-love and heal yourself, allows yourself to be vulnerable and have an open heart. Invulnerability you open up to people and when you don’t love yourself you get caught up on the surface.

Being able to love yourself takes you to a greater level of depth with you and your spirit. It allows you to empathize more and people want to be around you. When you love yourself you give off the energy that people will naturally gravitate towards versus repelling people.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

We need to stop lying and be more honest. People need to understand that we aren’t going to be great at everything. Matter of fact, we’re not always going to be everyone’s cup of tea. When we are honest with each other we don’t internalize it or inflict self-trauma. In fact, it might even help us to realize that we might have some things to work on.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. Eating Right

People don’t realize the power of food and how it affects our moods, energy levels. In order to have the ability to stay positive and in a consistent state of self-love and love for others, you have to consistently eat right. When I started eating right that was when I saw a difference in my own life.

2. Decrease Negative Influence

We say that we don’t like toxicity but we spend so much time dwelling in it whether it’s television, internet, reality TV, or social media profiles. The question is how does it make you feel after consuming all these things. What you’ll realize is that essentially we’re taking in the negativity that isn’t helping us grow. So hence it’s important to protect ourselves at all costs from allowing the negativity to seep into our lives.

3.Celebrating The Small Wins and Accomplishments

Learn to reward yourself for the things you’re doing whether it’s big or small. This is necessary to feel motivated and continually push through in life.

4. Exercise

When we move the body it affects our mood and energy. When I started to exercise I started to feel better, a matter of fact I feel much better now than I did 10–20 years ago. When you feel good it’s easier to love yourself and when you feel bad, you won’t easily love yourself.

5. Spiritual Connection

Creating a morning routine such a prayer or meditation can put your mind at ease. It also helps the day flow in a positive progressive path.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

The 5 Love Languages is definitely one of my favorite books. It helps give people clarity by breaking down the different ways to give and receive love. By understanding each other’s love language it allows people to get on the same page and individuals to be in tune with themselves. Too often people assume that others should know how to love them when that isn’t always the case because we are all wired differently.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

Healing from the past, that to me is one of the biggest movements society can take on. It’s about each person doing their part to create healthy relationships and communities. People don’t understand the magnitude of unresolved trauma. A lot of toxicity in society is from people who are broken and it’s only by healing from the past that we create a better world.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

One that I live by is, “There is no perfection, only purpose.” This quote came to me from God during prayer. As a recovering perfectionist and for those who strive for greatness, oftentimes we hold back on releasing our greatest work into the world. We find ourselves questioning if it’s good enough. Life is about purpose, not perfection. This is the same quote that has inspired me to do more videos, bringing messages of love and truth to help people all around the world with relationships.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

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