“A marriage between two people is the beginning of love or the beginning of the end of love?” This is the question that comes to my mind when I reflect upon the disconnect a couple develops as their union becomes old.
And the following realizations came forth as I deeply reflected on this change in dynamic after marriage.
A marriage perhaps takes the relationship from a transcendental character to a transactional one. The sacred and God-like adoration for each other, when meets the profanities of “Samsarik life” or Grihasthashram, starts giving way to something called ‘expectations’ and starts reducing the spiritual quotient of this union.
The living takes precedence over loving.Here, unconditional love for each other turns into a love towards the life created together like a common house, children, social status and so on i.e. the demands of Grihasthi ( running a house) . Unconditional love slowly starts becoming conditional, situational and functional.
The paradox of love is that love thrives on longing and marriage changes it into belonging which is actually the consummate purpose of love, but it is self-defeating in that. This belonging leads to familiarity and familiarity breeds contempt.
It is very important for a couple to feel a spiritual connection with each other. Marriage is an amalgam of needs generated by Prakriti (nature )and customs created by Sanskriti (culture) .They must understand that it is owing to a karmic connection that they have come together for one is incomplete without the other. A spiritual marriage thrives on complementarity and not on competition. While secular world accentuates egos, the spiritual word accentuates souls, and souls are pure without the trappings of worldly differences.
Husband and wife together weave the patterns of life-like ‘Needle and Thread’and they together burn in the struggle of life-like ‘Diya and Bati ( wick and candle)’. Their oneness is irreplaceable and there is no scope for ‘othering’ in this. In fact, their communion helps each to complete its purpose. Having said that, it is also important that husband and wife give space to each other and don’t come in each other’s path.Someone so beautifully said about marriage –“There should be spaces between your togetherness.”
Let us once again take the example of ‘Diya ( candle) and Bati ( wick) The same oil which makes Bati burn can be the cause of the flame extinguishing because if Bati turns more towards Diya, the oil drowns it. Similarly, if a needle and thread entangle too much, neither of them can move towards its purpose.
Marriages evolve with the passage of time and sooner a spiritual connection is formed, the better it is. Let your egos go and let your souls seek each other!