Closed mouths don’t get fed: I have mastered the art of asking for what I want and have built up my rejection muscles in the process. I ask for what I want at least five times a day so that when I hear the word no it doesn’t stop me nor make me quit. It’s a part of the journey to YES.
Spicy Mari is the CEO & Founder of The Spicy Life. As a Relationship Expert, Spicy Mari has dedicated her life’s work to encouraging singles and couples to communicate and connect more effectively by incorporating passion and adventure back into their interpersonal relationships. Raw and uncensored in her matchmaking approach, Spicy Mari has been featured on Access Live, VH1’s Basketball Wives, BuzzFeed, OWN NETWORK’s Don’t Tell The Bride, The Ricky Lake Show, and iHeartRadio as a recurring dating coach and matchmaker.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory”? What led you to this particular career path?
I began stepping into my life purpose at a very young age. My mother, who is an incredible and selfless woman, raised me in a single-parent home. I knew that my mother desired companionship. Being the outgoing daughter I am, I would approach potential suitors in the grocery store, gas station, or even Chuck E. Cheese, pitching my mother for a date. “Look at how pretty my mother is, and I am such a good little girl.” I know, a disruptor from early on! My mom got so many dates that it became a sporting game for me because she was so much happier and nicer to me while she was in a relationship. Three divorces later, I then set out to understand how to repair the family unit that I always wanted. I wanted to understand what made relationships fail and succeed.
Fast forward after receiving a B.A. from U.C. Berkeley in communication, a Master’s from USC in Communication, a certification from the International Dating Association in coaching, and after landing an iHeart radio show giving The Spicy Life Relationship Tips, I now not only have the method by which to attract your purpose-mate, I also know how to keep the flame burning. Like you, I have failed, been rejected, and recovered.
Are you ready for me to give you the knowledge of a relationship expert and the gifts of a matchmaker? Let’s go!
Can you tell our readers what it is about the work you’re doing that’s disruptive?
Every week I receive emails and DMs from my clients sharing their romantic wins with me. After completing my Spicy Life Curriculum, many of my clients receive their first deep connection with someone who is equally yoked, reciprocates adoration, and yields an increase in their magnetism.
My clients join a partnership with someone they are excited to come home to every day and share an incredible lifestyle with because they have mutual hobbies and passions. And, hey, the new dual household income is always a nice plus.
I work to fill up my client’s calendar with creative date nights, vacations and even support family expansion planning for current couples. I also coach couples looking forward to their next milestone full of exploration and discovery.
In the past seven years, I have guided a multitude of elite singles (from celebrities to everyday people) in attracting their purpose-mate through The Spicy Life Power of Passion Formula at outstanding speeds. By mastering the vibration of their masculine and feminine energy, my clients have been able to spark intimacy, create chemistry, conquer fears behind vulnerability, and started living their Spicy Life.
As a Relationship Expert and Founder of The Spicy Life Inc., I focus on encouraging individuals, couples, and organizations to connect more effectively. I guide the superior man and woman through a 5 phase, 90-day S.P.I.C.Y. Program where we unlock the power of your passion to attract your purpose-mate. My diverse background in coaching, matchmaking, and radio/tv hosting has helped me transform perspectives and fuel connections on several media platforms. Best known for my Spicy Tips, I have been featured on E! Daily Pop, NBC Access Live, VH1’s Basketball Wives, BuzzFeed, Essence Magazine, Soul Pancake, Tastemade, LATV Network, iHeartRadio, and more as a recurring Relationship Expert. I have a B.A. in Communication from the University of California-Berkeley, an M.A. in Communication from USC, a dating certification from the International Dating Coach Association, and I am a certified YourTango Expert. I am also a proud member of Spelman College’s “Sweet” Mu Pi Chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
The funniest mistake that I made was also the most devastating! I was under the impression that I could work a full-time job and fully dedicate my time to growing my business, The Spicy Life Inc. I was doing so well with The Spicy Life that I found myself excited about it all the time. I won’t say that I was doing match-making at work, but I gave great relationship advice; let’s leave it at that! Unfortunately, my company perceived my talent for building good relationships as a barrier to my performance versus a helpful skill. I was so busy trying to grow someone else’s business and maintain a secure paycheck that it wasn’t until they let me go that I was like, “that’s it!” From that point on, I decided that I’m never going to be treated like I’m disposable ever again. Though I was heartbroken, at the same time, it was a blessing from the universe. I got an opportunity to immerse myself in my company, and I’m so grateful that I was undervalued because it taught me to value myself!
We all need a little help along the journey. Who have been some of your mentors? Can you share a story about how they made an impact?
Radio Personality Nautica De La Cruz has made a significant impact on me. She took me under her wing and taught me how to produce, run the tech board and host a show. The radio business is very male-driven, and there aren’t many women who can do it all. She encouraged me to stand up for myself, be direct and communicate my value through my results. “It’s better to be respected than it is to be loved in this industry,” she would say.
Producing my own radio show with Spicy Tips on relationships wasn’t necessarily what my station had asked of me, but I gave them something they didn’t even know they needed.
I kept her advice dear to my heart even when I started my own relationship consulting firm, where I had to decide between trying to please my clients or giving them information that would stretch and grow them.
Today, I am proud to say that everything I learned is fused into The Spicy Life Podcast.
In today’s parlance, being disruptive is usually a positive adjective. But is disrupting always good? When do we say the converse, that a system or structure has ‘withstood the test of time’? Can you articulate to our readers when disrupting an industry is positive and when disrupting an industry is ‘not so positive’? Can you share some examples of what you mean?
Disrupting an industry is definitely positive when it brings value. Although it may be uncomfortable for those who have to get adjusted, there can be growth and expansion through disruption.
The digital disruption for instance has done wonders for the dating industry.
Technological advancements have created an abundance of opportunities to communicate with people anywhere in the world. Websites and apps provide algorithms to match you with potential dates, all with the ease of a click or swipe! However, this modern form of engagement has made it more challenging to create natural chemistry and genuine connections. The Spicy Life innovative assessments and strategic coaching come together in an online learning environment to assist you in navigating this complex dating industry.
Our TSL team of consultants come from diverse backgrounds and are experts in what’s relevant in building relationships today and in the future.,
Can you share 3 of the best words of advice you’ve gotten along your journey? Please give a story or example for each.
- Closed mouths don’t get fed: I have mastered the art of asking for what I want and have built up my rejection muscles in the process. I ask for what I want at least five times a day so that when I hear the word no it doesn’t stop me nor make me quit. It’s a part of the journey to YES.
- There are no losses, only lessons: If you don’t learn lessons, you rebound to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Each loss, heartache, or breakup is a learning lesson to prepare you for your next partner.
- I have the mind of Christ: My mother told me this every day as a child so that I would operate in an abundant mindset and not a scarcity mindset.
We are sure you aren’t done. How are you going to shake things up next?
I am rolling out a 6-week S.P.I.C.Y. eCourse “YOUR PURPOSE-MATE AWAITS.”
Join me weekly, in a virtual classroom setting, where I get intimate and real about manifesting meaningful relationships.
In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges faced by ‘women disruptors’ that aren’t typically faced by their male counterparts?
Women have to balance showing up in their almighty masculine energy in the workplace, but they have to pivot to their feminine energy for their partner when they get home. Men just get to sit in their masculine energy all the time. There isn’t as much of a juggling act required from them.
Do you have a book/podcast/talk that’s had a deep impact on your thinking? Can you share a story with us?
Two books that have influenced how I think and operate are:
1. “Outwitting the Devil” by Napoleon Hill, which is especially good for those with an entrepreneurial spirit — read this, it will change your life.
2. “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida. I’m the best at what I do because I can anticipate what I don’t know and put sound research behind my philosophies. As a woman, I don’t inherently have a male’s perspective, so this book was particularly helpful in unpacking the successful male mindset.
Podcast-wise, I listen to Lewis Howes’ The School of Greatness for inspiration; I believe in constant self-improvement. His guests are typically compelling figures from whom he gleans a ton of sound business advice and uncommon information. I love his authentic deep-dive interview style and seek to get the same level of engagement with The Spicy Life Podcast, where I get raw and uncut expert advice from the relationship industry’s top professionals.
I explore taboo topics and tackle your complex, hard-to-answer relationship questions. Every week you’ll receive valuable insight from dating coaches, psychologists, wedding planners, relationship authors, sexperts, and so many more. The Spicy Life challenges you to take a different approach to forming and maintaining relationships. It’s time to live The Spicy Life.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Implementing in elementary, middle, high school how to have healthy relationships with family, friends, and partners would make a world of difference in the interpersonal skills of young adults. Who you choose as a partner is the most important decision you will ever make in your life. We often aren’t given any assistance on mate selection, emotional intelligence, conflict resolution or companionship.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. (Matthew 7:7–8 NLT)