We are bombarded with notions that love is something that you magically fall into. When you watch it happening for all of your friends and not for you it can start to feel like their is something “wrong” with you. There isn’t. Love isn’t a magical trap we fall into. It comes as a result of inner work and interpersonal relationship skills. If you are serious about it being your time to meet the right guy then the steps below will set you on the path from single to engaged.
The first step in going from where you are now to where you want to be is deciding that you are worth it. Make a declaration about what you want and stick to it. The trick is to stick to your commitment even if it doesn’t happen immediately or if other attractive, but misaligned options come along.
This step is a place where many women fall off the path. For example, you tell your friends that you want “a husband and children.” Then, a week a later a cute guy who meets none of your criteria invites you over to his place and you go. You might even justify it in your head by saying “I really need intimacy right now,” or “It’s just for fun.” Don’t listen to these voices. They are the voice of your commitment fears. This behavior is a problem because you are saying one thing and acting another. When you are serious about getting into a real loving relationship you have to stick to that decision. Otherwise, you’ll spend forever in the bad boy trap.
Getting clear about what you want and don’t want in a relationship is a critical next step. You’ve probably made a vision board before. This is not that. This is not a picture of prince charming taped to a piece of paper. This is a reality based concrete list of what you must have in a relationship.
Your list should include things like where you want to live, what kind of lifestyle do you want, kids or no kids etc. This is important because it is going to help you identify the right person when you meet them. Even better, it is going to help you rule out the “bad one’s.” When you are first falling in love it is easy to overlook faults or misalignments because everything feels good and you want to make it work. If you overlook critical compatibility pieces they will become a problem later. Your list is your safety net.
You are a beautiful radiant creature when you want to be. Allowing your inner beauty to shine through is key to attracting good men. You might be thinking that men are only looking for women with perfect bodies. This isn’t true. Men who are looking for a commitment are looking for a happy, well taken care of sensuous woman. Invest time and energy into bring those qualities out in yourself.
Opening your dating funnel requires you to date several men at the same time so that you can choose the best one for you. This is important because it allows you to choose your future partner instead of settling for them. If you are looking for a long-term commitment you need to make sure that you are with a great candidate.
Dating more than one person at a time also helps you avoid getting attached prematurely. It allows you space to let the relationship build over time because you have multiple options with whom to spend your time with. How much more fun and empowering does dating sound when you are choosing the best candidate instead of just “taking what you can get.”
If you are looking for marriage then you need to wait to have sex until your relationship is exclusive. This is critical because it gives you time to ensure that you are with someone who is really good for you before you bond to them biologically. Bonding too early can leave you overly attached to the wrong man.
Slowing down physical aspect allows the relationship to pass the time test before it gets into to deep. It also shows that you value yourself and the relationship enough to make sure that you are getting what you want before you let your biology take over.
If you are serious about getting into a real relationship it is time to stop waiting for it to magically happen. The steps above will get you a great start. It is your time when you decide it is your time and back that decision up with your actions. Get out there!