In most cultures being a single parent is considered a disadvantage. It is looked upon as something that needs to be fixed. Therefore, as single parents we often times fall under the pressure of trying to ‘do it all on our own.’ We can quickly fall down the rabbit hole of judging ourselves and thinking: ‘it’s bad enough that I am a single parent, so now I have to prove that I can handle this and get it right!’
But what if it does not have to be this way? What if you could have fun, be happy and thrive all while being a single parent? Is that possible?
Here are some helpful tips and tools to make single parenting be as easy and joyful as possible:
Stop judging yourself or making yourself wrong and instead find ways of being grateful for you.
Make it a daily practice to focus on things you are grateful for about yourself and what you have accomplished.
Ask questions like: What’s right about me I’m not getting?
As a single parent, we try compensating for the fact that we are single and in so doing try even harder to be a good parent and getting it right, which usually doesn’t work or turns out to be the opposite.
So instead of deciding you’re a bad parent, or that you have done something wrong, you could ask:
- What is right about me I am not getting?
- What is right about this situation I am not getting?
- What is right about my child I am not getting?
Those questions take you out of thinking and concluding that you are wrong for being a single parent and opens you up to other options you haven’t been able to see until now.
What if you weren’t wrong for being single? What if that was just a choice…YOUR choice?
Asking for Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to do it all on your own. Asking for help is not a crime, nor is it a weakness. In fact, it takes a great measure of courage and strength to be willing to be that vulnerable and asking for help. Contrary to general belief, vulnerability can be seen as a sign of great strength, and not at all as a weakness.
What if multitasking was not wrong, but instead you could be looking at it as an ability? When you find yourself juggling with different responsibilities or tasks in daily life, that you think you won’t be able to handle them all by yourself, you can ask:
- What am I capable of, that I have never considered before?
- How quickly can I handle all of this with ease?
- Who can I ask for help here?
- Who do I know, that would like to contribute?
You may just find out that you are far more capable at multitasking then you thought you were and that there are many people that would be happy to offer you assistance. Maybe a neighbor, a friend, or another single parent, that you could arrange play dates with, taking the kids off each others hands once in a while.
Thinking Outside the Box
When you are lost and angry or frustrated, to get you out of that state, ask the question:
What else is possible here that I haven’t yet considered?
It will pull you out of any state of stress or overwhelm and get you to think out of the box, so you can see new and different possibilities, you couldn’t see, while being in distress.
Include Your Child
What if your life can be joyful and easy and not a struggle or a constant handling and fixing of problems? What if you let your child contribute? If you ask them, it might surprise you how much they would like to help. And it does not mean that you are taking advantage of them or taking away their childhood. Remember, it is their life too and they should be able to co-create it. That way you empower them by giving them choice and not making them a victim of circumstance.
Include Yourself in the Computation of Your Life
Don’t make your child the primary focus of your life. Include other people and create healthy relationships with them as well.
Don’t forget to include yourself. Take time for you by nurturing and taking care of your body, doing things that are fun and joyful for you, that make you laugh and brighten your spirit. Enjoy being single. When you are happy and joyful, others benefit from that as well.
What if you could lead a life that was an example for your child and could inspire them to chose greater for themselves?
Choosing for you and for your kids is the best gift you could give them and yourself.
Marja Zapusek is an Access Consciousness certified facilitator, Being You certified facilitator and Right Voice for You facilitator. She is also a licensed mediator with a law degree and works in the corporate world as an assistant auditor and CEO of two companies, one in Accounting and one in self-development. Before finding Access, she had tried all sorts of modalities, none of which created any sense of freedom or even much change. Access helped her leave an abusive relationship, create a happy home with her beautiful daughter, and have a healthy relationship with her body. Today she continues to build a thriving business traveling the world – living out her dreams and teaching others to do the same. Follow her on Facebook.