Before me there was her. From being an only child for 9.5 years to being graced with my annoying self lol it was one hell of a ride. The keyword ‘was’. This year we (my family and I) will reach the 10th anniversary of Angie’s passing. The number 10 is one of the most powerful numbers to me (10 represents a spiritual awakening). I was born on the 10th, my grandma Mary had 10 kids, and Angie left us in 2010.
On April 10, many of my fellow sibling warriors were celebrating their siblings however I decided to reflect and meditate. Doing that reminded me of the many lessons Angie taught me before she died. What about the lessons Angie taught me after her entrance into the Kingdom?
To be honest, the chills that came over me as I thought about this had me buckle down to my knees and even had me cracking a smile. Why? Because I knew that even during the storm my sister was still being inspirational, motivational, and a vessel for the most high.
It’s beyond me: Coping after your sibling dies.
How do we cope?
Share your grief with your family. Your family is grieving too. They love your brother or sister as well. Although grief shows up differently in everyone sharing stories and having candid conversations can help you navigate through your own grief.
Your physical health matters. Taking care of yourself is one of the most under talked about coping tools. Grief can manifest through your body. Yes, physical grief is a real thing. From your blood pressure to your immune system. Taking walks or preparing healthier meals can help boost your immune system even while releasing your grief.
Find support outside of your family. As much as we may have support from our families being supportive maybe too much for them. Remember, this loss is hurting them too. Think about finding support from outside of your family. Check out local or online support groups, a friend, minister, or someone who feels your pain.
Grief isn’t linear. A matter of fact just like your unique so is your grief. Sometimes we approach grief like a contract and not like a massive life long rollercoaster. Everyone on this ride perceives it differently. Some may sit silent, some may scream the entire time, or some may do a little of both. Although grief can eat up your energy and send you through a tunnel of uncertainty. Riding the wave unapologetically is a great start to your healing process.
I remember one of the candid conversations I had with God. From 2010-2012 I stayed angry. Mad at God and how he did not heal my sister from Cancer. I even asked him how could he. A few days later I remember sitting in my room with a flood of tears. I heard this clear as day. ‘Your anger is not in vain and neither is your sister’s life’. From that day forward my grief became different.
10 things my sister taught me after she took her last breath.
- Be present in the moment.
- Do not hold your greatness back because it doesn’t look like everyone else.
- Love more.
- Capture every important moments.
- Appreciate life even when you feel like the walls are caving in.
- Let go of meaningless relationships.
- Give your self grace.
- Forgive yourself for any disagreements you have had with someone. Forgive yourself for not spending more time with the ones who are important to you.
- The storm doesn’t last always so sing, dance, cry, kick, or scream while you’re in it.
- Love yourself. From the bottom of your feet to the top of your crown.