Should Love Require Effort?

Pete Uglow, an expert in love and relationships, discusses whether love and relationships should take work and effort.

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Couples are often told that not being on the same page is a bad sign in a relationship. They are also reminded that there is no place for arguing in a relationship between two people who love each other. While this may be romantic, it is far from the truth. Love requires effort, and sometimes that effort doesn’t come naturally.

Telling the Truth

It is not easy to tell the truth, especially when it could possibly not only hurt you but your significant other. However, when one lies, respect is lost. When respect goes, love also goes out the window. According to Psychology Professor Jordan Peterson, everyone should strive to tell the truth and handle the circumstances accordingly. When you tell the truth in your life, including your relationship, both parties can get to the bottom of any issue that they may be facing. Without the truth, the relationship is doomed.

Defining Expectations

Even loving relationships need to address their expectations as a couple as well as individuals. When a person has expectations that are not being met, then a relationship can seem unfulfilling. Additionally, if a person has expectations that the other has no idea about, then there is a very little chance that these expectations will be met. Couples who want longevity have to openly discuss their feelings, goals and expectations of the relationship. Establishing clarity and boundaries can help the couple to flourish and understand their role in the partnership.

Being Kind

Despite popular opinion, a no-effort relationship isn’t a great relationship. It’s a relationship that lacks foundation. Because people are always changing and growing, it is essential to put in the effort to continue to get to know each other. Being kind is important as well. In the process of growth, sometimes things may be awkward or challenging. Through these things, kindness may allow the couple to get through hardships. In the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Dr. John Gray talks about the differences between the sexes when it comes to love. Understanding these differences requires patience, kindness and effort.

A lot of couples wish they could stay in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. However, if they had just stayed in that phase, they would have never arrived at the really good stuff, which is the discovery of true intimacy. It takes work to find love and stay in love.

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