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SHAME : HOW TO DEAL WITH IT?

Shame should be reserved for the things we choose to do, not the circumstances that life puts us on

shame

“The difference between shame and guilt is the difference between I am bad and I did something bad”

One of the biggest problems in the world  happens to be the one that’s hidden and invisible.

The real problem with shame is that : we assume that we are disgusting. 

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS:

When horrible things happens to us, when someone inflicts pain to us, our first instinct as humans is to : fight back. 

But when we just couldn’t because of whatever reason that is : some of us assume that we deserve the pain

We assume that we deserve to be abandoned and left behind. That we don’t deserve to be loved or even worse, that we don’t deserve to live.

This is the cause of low self esteem. This is what makes us feel ashamed of our-self. 

Because what are we? A failure right? We tried, and we keep failing. This must mean we are worthless right?

If you said “yes”, then you really need to read till the end.

WALLS YOU BUILT : THE DEFENSES OF SHAME :

When we believe in our heart that we are defective, it takes away from the good things in life.

  • We don’t let people in. Even the good ones that actually and truly adore and love you. Because we think that if they get to know the real us, they would run away.
  • We don’t like parties or any fun social event because “Why would people be excited to see us?”
  • We let fear rule us. Being driven by fear is the fastest way to a life of regret and meaningless work.
  • We are not good at physical intimacy because we don’t love ourself. Why would anyone else love us? 
  • We go into addictive behavior, to run away from the self loathing and shame : Which funnily leads to more shame and disgust.

WAYS TO BREAK THE WALLS : LIBERATE YOURSELF 

Can I ask you something? Do you want to die inside these walls you built for yourself? In the prison of shame?

You started reading this article because somewhere in your heart, you wanted out of these jail.

Somewhere in there, you had hope that you are more than what you think of yourself to be.

That you are better than what you let on.

Here’s some realizations 

1)GIVE UP PERFECTIONISM :

You know what perfect human being look like? More like robots.

People usually resort to affirmations like ” I am beautiful. I am lovable . I am perfect! I am good”.

But that doesn’t work tho. Does it?

The moment you actually realize that imperfection is normal. 

“Everyone who ever lived and walked on this planet is in their own way imperfect and broken”

” Imperfections needs to be accepted and embraced. There’s beauty in it”

This is the key to loving yourself!

So what if you are short? So what if you are bald? You don’t look like a model? You aren’t the smartest person in the room? 

Can you do anything about it? No. Accept and embrace and watch your life change.

2)REALIZE BULLY’S ARE FLAWED : LIKE EVERYONE ELSE:

You feel the way you feel because someone inflicted pain upon you right?

The Bullys that pick on us. Point out and laugh at our flaws. The ones that broke our self esteem.

” People are rude and abusive because they don’t want to show their weakness and vulnerability”

In an attempt to run away from their flaws, they hurt you and the other innocent souls 

They need help and I eventually find it in your heart to forgive them. 

You deserve better and they need to heal. And always remember, stay away from people who could hurt you.

3)SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GOOD PEOPLE:

This might sound obvious, but are you doing it?

When life gets hard, connections weaken up. It might require effort to keep the good ones in our lives 

And like most people, we just watch it break and fade away.

If someone is a good friend, put in an effort to make it last. 

4)COURSE CORRECTION : FIND YOURSELF AGAIN:

When we are in shame, we fall into habits or walk in a road that just made us feel good at the time.

But is that really what your heart desires?

Do you really know the real you? Your needs and desires?

Do you know your emotions, your fears? Do you know what drives you? 

Are you self aware?

Most of us aren’t . I urge you to date yourself. Find your path

Do you realize what just happened? You stepped out of the jail you built for yourself

There’s a whole world out there for you. Find your place in this world!

Hope this helped!

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