Seven Months Free

How I freed myself from suicidal thoughts

It is mental health awareness month. Honestly, one of my favorite months of the year. It is a month where we recognize mental health diagnosis and take it one step closer to ending the stigma. A stigma that, in my opinion, shouldn’t even exist. One that draws me to share my story. A story that has evolved over a lifetime.

It has been seven months since I have had a suicidal thought. Seven months of what I like to call, freedom. Because when you are controlled by suicidal thoughts, you feel like a prisoner. A prisoner to your own mind. It was a long road, filled with many downs and not so many ups. But, I got through and I know you can too!

Seven months ago I was lying on the floor. I was thinking I can’t do this anymore. I am done. I am so tired of being tired. In reality that is what my suicidal thoughts stemmed from, an exhaustion. I was exhausted from being so sad for so long. I was exhausted from feeling so many feelings. I didn’t want to feel anything anymore, until I realized I did!

I sat on that floor crying and I said “I am done. I will never feel this way again.” Boom they were gone. Well not really! It took a lot of work but I will get to that. I committed that night to myself to do the work and do the work I did!

I spent a lot of time listening and reading. I would get my hands on whatever I could to motivate and uplift me. I spent even more time writing. Every morning when I woke up, I wrote with intention. I even created a course around it! I moved my body as much as I possibly could. I ate good wholesome foods that fueled my body. I went to therapy. I took my medication, because even though I am spiritual and holistic, I take the meds. Why? Because they helped to save my life and it is ok to use whatever tools you feel are safe for your journey! I did the things. I did them all with purpose. For the first time in my adult life and most of my teens, I wanted to be alive. I wanted to fight! 

I tell you all of this to say it is a journey worth fighting for and with a TON of hard work and dedication you can and will make it through. You are not alone. If you don’t know where to start, use the tools I used! I always recommend starting with therapy and if you don’t jive with the first therapist, find another until you find the one that fits! They are out there waiting for you! 

Don’t let the stigma scare or define you! Don’t let fear stop you from living the life you have dreamt of! Rise up and take actionable steps towards your healing. You are so worth it and so is this life! That I know! So, this month for Mental Health Awareness Month, be a part of ending the stigma! Take a chance on your life. Stand up and tell your story. You are not alone. We can get through this together! 

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