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Self Worth Re-calibration

How to get back up on that horse after you've been knocked down

This week I’m talking about YOUR VALUE and how to remember your AWESOMENESS when you’re feeling anything but awesome.

The first thing to remember is that you’re valuable no matter what it is that happens. No matter what it is that comes up. No matter what some people might say or might not say, regardless of the feedback, regardless of anything. I really want to talk to you about your value and re-calibrating that when things kind of feel like they’re going a little wonky.

For a lot of business owners the big thing that they see is that there are lots of competitors out there in the market. There are lots of people doing what they do. There’s an actual blessing and plethora of choice! (Good and bad, right?!!?) We are abundant in our ability to get out there and look for different people to help us – the world is at our Googling Fingertips!

A lot of the time what can happen though, is that we look at this BIG VAST SEA of many other people equipped to do what we do. I was talking with a lady recently and she said, “Why me? Why would somebody come to me for help when there are so many other therapists and practitioners out there?” One of the things that I stepped her through, first and foremost, was taking a look at herself. Forgetting all the other people, forgetting the clients, forgetting her niche, forgetting what their problems are, get rid of all of that noise for the short term. What I wanted her to really examine was her experience. This lady is a therapist and she’s going and doing her Master’s. She’s got so many qualifications and modalities under her belt that it’s awesome. She went and did a bunch of study and she took some time off to have kids.

You might be sitting there thinking, “Wow, this is kind of like my story.” This is a really common thing that I hear a lot. Women who have taken some time off, they’ve come back from having kids and their children are older now, and they really are ready to start to ramp up their business. The thing that she was sitting there thinking was, “Oh, you know what, how am I gonna get clients? What makes me so different to everybody else?” In my opinion when you take a look at the life experience that this woman has, you look at the modalities, the education, the applied knowledge, the client results, all of those things, that is hugely valuable. A lot of that stuff is external to her, it’s not really about how she’s feeling.

What we then went and had a look at is, “Okay, how do you feel when you’re helping people? Do you know for certain that, provided they take on that advice, that they will have a different and a better life experience based on what you do with them?” And she’s like, “Yeah, of course, so long as they … they’ve gotta be hungry for it, they’ve gotta be ready for the change, they’ve gotta be self-motivated. It can’t be a partner or a friend, somebody else saying, ‘You’ve gotta go get some help with this.'” No, she said that the person who’s coming, they will get a result if they are whole heartedly committed. I think that’s the same probably for most of us. I think that’s the same with all of our clients and our prospects. The ones that get the results are the ones that are ready and willing to do the work.

Your self-worth is not based upon what somebody is willing to pay or what somebody is unwilling to pay. Your value is based on the transformation that you’re able to provide to people. The EXPERIENCES that you’re able to facilitate for them. Be it as a mother. A business owner. A client. A friend.

The thing that you’re able to do, that thing that you’re able to do differently to what everybody else in the world is doing.

There is no one like you, there is no one on this planet that has had the same experience as you, that has gone through the same stuff, that has worked through the same shit, that has had to build resilience in the way that you have had to. Who has shared the joys, and the celebrations, and had the successes, and the wins and things like that. Nobody has had the same education as you.

Everyone is different and what we want to take a look at is what’s really at that core? What it is that you’re doing? How is that you’re helping people? How are you changing these people’s lives? As well as, how you’re going to apply that in your own life as well, with your own families, your own relationships, your friends, your clients, everything like that. That’s where the value lies.

When we’re looking and we’re having this conversation around self-worth, I think it’s really easy for us to beat ourselves up, for us to undermine the things that are really going on and what’s really important because we play so much importance and I want you to stop doing this. People play so much importance on … or think that so many other people are more important, that they’re further along, that they’re more educated, that they’ve got more modalities, that they’ve had more clients, or got more experience.

Thing is this, so long as you can do what it is that you say you can do, there is a huge amount of value in that and people will pay you well for that. Whatever the price point is that you decide to set, people will pay you well to get the help that you provide and that’s the thing that you gotta come back to when it comes down to self-worth. What are you contributing to this world? Take the money out of it, take all that stuff out, and just go, “You know what? This is what I do. This I why I am here.” For some people it might be … your self-worth might be based around how you are as a parent and that’s fine. Your self-worth might be based on how you are as a practitioner, and that’s fine. It’s different for everybody. The thing that I really want to hammer home today, is that you are worth so much more than what you are most likely giving yourself credit for.

Go and do these things. Take a look at really all of these things that you’ve got going for you, the positive, the strengths. If you’re having a hard time working out what that is, go out to your friends, your colleagues, your clients, the people that you know, your friends, whatever, and say to them, ask them, “Hey guys, I’m having a bit of a day, can you please help me? Tell me, what do you perceive are my biggest strengths? What do you think it is that I do the best in the world?” Just ask them and take on board what they say. Frame it so that they’re only allowed to tell you positive things, that’s the disclaimer there. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the language and the words that people use to describe you and what they say.

I really encourage you, once you’ve got that bank of words, go and stand in front of a mirror and say to yourself the words that these people have given you. “I am courageous, I am strong, I am resilient, I am inspiring, I am motivating, I’m funny, I’m approachable, I’m friendly, I’m feminine, I have good boundaries.” Whatever it is that your people tell you about you, take that on board, don’t undermine it. Don’t go, “Oh yeah, but,” practice that on a daily basis until you know that you can stand there, feet firmly planted on the ground and going, “You know what? I’m freaking awesome. I’m great at what it is that I do. I’m a good person. I help people. I’m putting good stuff out into the world. I am valuable and I’m worth so much more than what I ever thought.” Alright?

And then get back up on that horse and go do what it is that you’re here to do.

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People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.

- MARCUS AURELIUS

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