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“Self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions” with Aviva Reimer and Chaya Weiner

When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. I […]


When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Aviva Reimer. Aviva is one of Canada’s preeminent authorities on life transformation, relationship building, and matchmaking. She is highly regarded in her techniques on Personal Development, Life Coaching, and Fitness. Whether you are seeking the guidance of a personal coach, life coach, relationship coach, or an overall wellness coach, Aviva’s techniques are highly effective and can help you in any stage of your life. Aviva is certified by the prestigious ‘Matchmaking Institute of New York,’ and she has made numerous media appearances, including ET Canada, “The Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo!, as well as writing for The Huffington Post, Zoomer Magazine, Viva Magazine, among many others.


Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

At a young age, I was a hairstylist that always had a unique eye for improvement through my styling. From hair and makeup to styling a look with some high fashion. I was the go-to person when someone needed some advice, direction or a change, or a new chapter in their life. I have also struggled, learned, and accepted that now the universe brought me to this carrier where I have the pleasure and ability to transform a person inside and out thoroughly. In 2011, I had two people approach me and ask me to help them meet someone special. They felt that because of my work, I would know a more specific type of person who chose change and had a positive life approach and mindset. There it was…the last piece to the puzzle; therefore, I branded this opportunity. How amazing to have someone that we can turn to for the empowerment and reassurance that we all need.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I just published a book called “Becoming The Total Package.” I wanted to share my recipe for success in many areas of our lives with a perspective that will not only help people understand why they are the way they are but also to choose something better and positive. We don’t always have someone at our beck and call to help us out of our broken or disappointed emotional state. I wanted to be that person who can help in magnitude even for those far away.

This is my passion and this is why I am also accessible through my coaching programs and seminars.

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self acceptance?

Yes, there was, and this is a big part of why I can help others now. A tough childhood, low self-worth, insecurities, unhealthy relationship, and I had to figure all of this out on my own. I share this in the book.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “not very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

Every single person will have some levels of doubt and several physical attributes they don’t like about their appearance. This has everything to do with how we are treated and how we perceive things from a very young age. I call this our script or context or programming. Understanding, accepting, and appreciating imperfection is within your reach if you understand where, why, and what you come from in your own life’s conditioning. What you don’t know .. you don’t know. This is why it was important to share this awareness in my book. Once you understand why you are the way you are, it’s much easier to change and sustain positive change long term. Different levels of insecurities and self-doubt can spiral into allowing emotional and physical abuse, substance abuse, and destructive patterns. We can become our own worst enemy.

Confidence is vital and not easily attained. It all starts as we are growing up experiencing life lessons without much-needed reassurance, guidance, or direction. Our experiences mold us to think and feel a certain way by the way we are treated. Our reactions then create patterns that we take into our future.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

This is critical! I dive into this subject in my book “Becoming The Total Package.” If you do not understand why you are the way you are or respect yourself, how would you know and respect others? How would you see someone else’s patterns or red flags? How would you keep bad experiences, the wolves and wolves in sheep’s clothing out of your life? Those disrespectful or negatively harmful situations need to be controlled not to exist. Loving yourself or learning to love yourself allows you to create the right boundaries that will keep “you” in control of your life. It will make you emotionally secure and mentally robust, which translates into the creation of choosing and attracting only what is good for us. We all have a choice in how we want our life to feel, and we have the power to make it so. No matter where we come from in our past, deciding to love and respect yourself will always protect you and allow you to write your own happy ending in your personal book of life.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

Most people stay in mediocre relationships because of fear or low self-worth or both.

My advice would be to look inward and assess why this is making an impact on your decision to stay. No one is perfect, however, if you have done the work on your self, you will be able to evaluate your partners and relationships more efficiently and either accept what your willing to compromise, work to improve the relationship, or walk away. Timing is also essential and will be a factor when making these decisions. It takes great courage and faith to make the right decisions that are not easy to make. Sometimes we need help or a push, and we simply don’t have someone supportive by our side to lean on unconditionally. This is why I wrote this book. I wanted to help reach those people struggling to provide them with a perspective and a recipe to follow even if they initially can’t answer their own why’s or have the strength to take the first step.

When I talk about self-love and understanding I don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships.

What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

We often go through life just accepting things as they are even if they are not suitable for us. I definitely had experienced this through a past relationship that ultimately began my personal journey of self-reflection. My relationship became emotionally abusive. So abusive and painful that I had to ask my self… “It’s not about why he’s like that… What the hell is wrong with “me” that I allow this and put up with this abuse or behavior? I did not want to be that kind of person. I did not want to accept the fact that I was a weak woman. I had limiting beliefs that were impacting my future in an unhealthy direction. I was angry at my self, and I no longer wanted to give anyone that power again. This was my moment of choice and the beginning of my self-love journey.

So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

This is so important! Easily said but not quickly done for so many people. We all want to be loved, and we all want someone by our side. Then, of course, you could be with someone and still feel alone. The most important thing is feeling comfortable in your own skin and confident in your ability to make the right decisions alone or not. Whether it’s for financial reasons or emotional reasons that you are afraid of being alone, learning to spend time alone is a gift to yourself. It allows you to develop emotional balance and appreciation for the little things in life that we often miss going at a fast speed. Although not easy for many, it builds your confidence and your ability to choose who you give time to, or cipher through your thoughts and life choices. Even when In a relationship, it’s good to have your own space and life. I would recommend allocating time for you to learn to be with yourself. Choose to put yourself outside of your comfort zones to discover the unknown. Over time you will gain a new appreciation for your own company and peace of mind. This will translate into loving your self more. Once you perfect this, you will not want to give it up.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

It will change your life. You will manifest and attract the right people. You will understand others on an entirely different level in all aspects of life. You will have the ability to make better choices and sustain healthier relationships. You will be able to have a level of control of your life and protect yourself from all adverse situations or outcomes that impact all of us. Ultimately you will have the power to create a more confident version of your self and the life you want.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

They should ask themselves the why questions and commit to growth towards something better even if they do not know what that looks like yet.

Hire a life coach, start exercising( this helped me a lot mentally ). Research areas in self help books or Read Becoming The Total Package as I will guide you through the book.

I would love to see the government create more programs in personal development.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

I speak of my own personal self-reflection and provide a guided recipe for you to begin your journey through the power of my book and coaching programs. Here are a few tips and a starting point.

A. First and foremost declutter and create a positive and bright environment. This applies to your home space. It’s conducive to support further change.

B. Declutter and compartmentalize your friendships and relationships to only encourage you and empower you. Let the negative people go!

C. Start taking care of your body( this is your temple), eat healthily and exercise as this builds your confidence, your discipline, and a healthy mental state.

D. Allow yourself the understanding that we are not perfect, and we will make mistakes. Learn from them, and find compassion for others who may also need a push in the right direction.

E. Be kind and smile at people! Magic will happen, and the law of attraction will present itself.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I have always enjoyed books on psychology and relations between men and woman. The way we can, at times, misunderstand each other brings humor to me.

I enjoy hearing other people’s perspectives and am always open to learning something new or challenging. I like to follow Jay Shetty as his perspective, and the ability to deliver a positive message is an excellent way of inspiring people to think outside of the box.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

This was the main reason I wrote “Becoming The Total Package.” I wanted to touch those who do not have the support or the mental strength to take the first step. We need reassurance or someone to help when dealing with extreme circumstance or a lost place we sometimes are in. I want to be that person if they are ready to do the work. Simply, I would like the readers to be inspired by the knowledge and direction I share and provide. I am accessible, and I am here to help!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

My favorite saying is “Life Is Not a Dress Rehearsal!”

Doesn’t it just sum it up? It certainly did for me. It’s never too late to turn things around. And one needs to really think about what kind of state they wish to live the short amount of time we have here and how we want to impact the future of our generations.

Follow Aviva Reimer on the Web:

Website https://www.AvivaReimer.com

Twitter @AvivaReimer

LinkedIn https://ca.linkedin.com/in/aviva-reimer-37a13446

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/avivar1

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/AvivaReimer/

Thank you for all of these great insights!

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