Why are some people happier, more confident and positive?
What is self – esteem?
Self – defeating habits are living things; they will fight to the end to stay alive
With consistent repetition of behavioural patterns, we become masters of them.
Our habits are the essence of who we are.
Firstly, you need to be aware of your habits and secondly you need to identify the consequences you are creating by those patterns.
Many believe in order to be accepted, loved and high self – esteem, they must have:
• The Perfect figure
• A Huge income
• A Fabulous car
• A Luxury home
• A PhD, degree or masses of qualifications
Bull to that shit
Let’s get real
Everyone has flaws, and in order to boost self -esteem you have to accept your flaws and value yourselves taking pride in your accomplishments.
Those with low self – esteem mope and complain how ‘unfair’ things are and stay stuck in their life often sabotaging the good things as they don’t feel worthy. They suffer from anxiety, stress, loneliness and at times low level depression. Many binge drink, compulsively overeat and don’t take care of their needs
How can this be?
If you grew up being criticised harshly, mocked or ridiculed, emotionally or physically abused or ignored, the chances are you will suffer from low self –esteem.
Here are my 7 Strategies that work:
1. Consider Yourself Important
It is crucial you respect yourself and feel comfortable with being authentic. Imagine you are wearing an invisible badge saying ‘I am more than enough’. Keep a list adding reasons why to it daily – ‘I am worthy because’, then each day write at least one thing you like about yourself. Considering yourself important tells you that you are worth it and other people ( in a non arrogant way) and eventually demands successful behaviour.
2. Cultivate Self – Compassion
Be kind to your mind. I am sure you don’t speak to your closest friends unkindly, so why would you speak to yourself that way? Lighten up about your imperfections. If you had a child you were teaching to walk and they constantly fell over you wouldn’t berate them, you would laugh and hug them, champion them and pick them up lovingly, so laugh hug, champion yourself and pick yourself back up off the floor. I don’t care how much work you have done on yourself you will always have a voice in your head hanging around, feeding off you like a starved animal wanting food and trying to get your attention 24/7. The secret is to be kind to yourself, forgive and accept yourself so you drown that voice.
3. Always Take Your Own Inventory
You cannot change what you are not aware of. Write out a list of 10 strengths and 10 weaknesses. List the scripts and tapes you have spent a lifetime learning and practising. List what you can gain if you were to go to war with your self – defeating habits. Sure, you may have met a lot of people but now it’s time to meet you. Become vigorously honest about the list and observe it without judgment. Embrace yourself, regardless of your shortcomings. People sadly don’t realise by revealing their true self they become more valuable to themselves and others.
4. Stop Picking on Yourself
Stop berating yourself as this will erode your self-confidence and self -esteem. Separate who you are from what you have done. Face any mistakes and learn from them; embrace who you are, what you think, feel and believe. You are perfectly imperfect. Picking on yourself is disempowering, and being self –depreciating opens the door to allow others to put you down and pick on you. Stop giving people rocks to throw at you. If you tell yourself that you’re fat, stupid, not worthy of love, success, or anything else it’s because a part of you is anxious and fearful; it’s your shadow that wants to fly under the radar, wants to play small and wants not to take risks in order for you to avoid failure, criticism, judgment, shame, and maybe even success… You CANNOT allow this to happen as you will miss out on EVERYTHING.
5. Quit Comparing and Despairing
The only comparing you ought to do is compare where you are now from where you were and acknowledge how far you have come. When you recognise qualities you like in others, kindness, smartness, sensitivity, discipline, passion, motivation it is because you have these qualities too or you wouldn’t recognise them. Open your own wrapping and discover your own gifts. The only person you need to compete against is YOU, where you were then and where you are now. You have loads of qualities, talents and skills others would love to have. Own your greatness.
6. Discover Your Internal Compass
Very few have been encouraged to trust their intuition and sadly many are instead are encouraged to disregard their gut feelings. I am not suggesting you ignore advice from experts, but it is crucial you trust yourself and your inner voice, and don’t race around town giving away your power saying ‘fix me because you are way smarter than me and more important than me’. BACK TRACK – instead discover your internal compass and the quiet voice within will get louder and if you follow it you will save yourself a lot of heartache and I promise you that your self – esteem will rocket.
7. Make an Amend to Yourself
Set aside some time to list every unkind word you have ever said to yourself that you can recall, and list all the times you have neglected yourself, let others to speak down to you, or speak over you, humiliate you or be cruel to you. List every time you have made promises to yourself and let yourself down. List each wrong you have done to yourself especially those that have plagued you for years. Tear the list or burn it with a candle over a bath of running water and let it all go.
My final word
No one is super happy and super positive all day long. Raising your self -esteem and confidence is a life long journey. Your job is to make it a daily priority to challenge your self-defeating habits daily. They are not based on fact, they have been created somewhere along the way. Your reality is based on what you totally believe to be true about yourself without buying into anyone else’s opinions. Please always remember, just that, other people’s opinions are opinions and not facts. Tune into yourself.
Low self – esteem keeps you people pleasing and not setting boundaries and possibly even feeling resentful within. When that happens you build a wall around yourself to protect yourself which confines you and keeps you from being authentic resulting in attracting inauthentic people and on it goes…..
If you want to learn more, you may like to purchase my book ‘The Confidence Factor’ https://www.amazon.co.uk/Annie-Ashdown/e/B0066VDL4E
Sending much love and appreciation for reading my posts
I would love to recieve feedback on your experiences with low self esteem, what has helped you raise it and what hasn’t.
Please forward to anyone you feel may find this helpful. Never know whose life you could change.
Originally published at www.facebook.com