- the latent nemesis to the soul
- Photo credit: Bitasta Roy Mehta Ⓒ 2017
After a soul-searching journey for a year or so, on the other side of the darkness, I have decided to give my innermost darkness, a name and some shape. I am relieved to share with you the name of the nemesis, with the hope that one day, you will allow light to cut through any darkness which may have been haunting you.
SHAME - such a light-hearted word.
No one really takes much notice of this feeling. We feel it since we are children. Sometimes, our parents and social groups drill the feeling, sometimes the peer group and worst of all, sometimes, you dare the devil, yourself. And when you do the last, more so than the other two, you bind yourself in its coils every day and in every way. You start living in the past, lose love for yourself, confidence then takes the toll, and then you don't even know it's existence. It falls back in your subconscious and it's cemented.
From that solid foundation and layer of shame, other afflictions start kicking in our physical and emotional form. From one wrongful action comes another and we feel inadequate and more shameful. It is a vicious cycle - a karmic imprint which we unknowingly continue to continue. And as years go past, we get completely out of touch with our "start".
So, what is it? As I have broken it down, it starts with
a fairly insignificant "Sin" or a perceived wrongful act,
which is "Hurtful",
"Agonising" and you
"Memorise" it to inflict and shape your sense of
"Ego" - your self-sense.
Most of us, when we commit something wrong out of volition or otherwise, we are aware of it. And if we are not loved at the stage or get the support to let it go, we stay bound by the secret. Although it's never too late for a second chance, many of us may not be fortunate to get the time and space to deal with this deep-seated bruise. We need small candles like in the cover photo to cut through the darkness and light up our lives.
" How you live today, is how you will live your life" - Buddhist wisdom
So what do we do?
How do we make ourselves to unveil the darkness and then confront it?
Why is it such an important step to unleash our "start"?
I start with the last question, first. We need to discover the latent darkness or fear or the source, to be able to function what we are born to do, in the first place. We need to believe
"Love is loving you" - Tara Bleach
- scribe mentally or on a piece of paper, what has happened in the past, as best as you can remember the incident. Chalk out the key players in the incident, without delving into the why? The reason for doing so is not to fall into another rut of rationalising. What meets the eyes or worse how our memory plays out the incident is almost always unreliable. So if you want to move forward, one needs to acknowledge the properties and the action only and ascertain one's role in it. What feelings you may have had to cause that action?
- give benefit of doubt to yourself, embracing the philosophy of "ignorance" and "love". Forgive yourself, and if you believe in the Christian faith, ask for forgiveness. If there's still time, make amends to the wrongful act or simply muster up the courage to say "sorry".
This act of seeking forgiveness, is critical for your ego. It helps to rewire the brain and a prerequisite to "letting go".
Letting go does not mean it vanishes and will never come to haunt you.
Letting go simply means that you train your mind to acknowledge its presence in the past, and disassociate yourself from letting it influence your present moment.
Meditation definitely helps, however, so does support groups. This strong feeling can be overcome with "love". Over a period of time, from personal experience, you will be able to meet head-on with this latent nemesis and pass it to the clouds of nowhere.
Everyone in this world has a layer of separation between their current state and the soul state. Or else, we will not be caught up with the karmic cycle called "human life". How we undertake this journey is our choice.
I wish your course of the journey of life is lit by the light of wisdom.
With a heartful of love. Signing off.