Is it better to move past an issue or work to resolve it?
It depends on the following:
- Topic: “Don’t sweat the small stuff” is great advice. But, if you’re anything like me, it’s your curiosity behind someone’s actions that leads you to think about it. So, I recommend you attempt to rationalize one reason this could have happened that was out of love. If you can think of even one, I suggest you let it drop and assume it was the reason, no matter how unlikely. I can all but guarantee the other person thinks she is right, so you may as well assume she acted out of her version of love, no matter how distorted. For your own sanity and health, you’re better off. Shift your lens on the incident, and your emotional response will change.
- Relationship: At work, there are situations when we must resolve an issue to maintain/improve company performance. When this happens, the ‘goal’ needs to be what is critiqued, rather than the person. Centering on your ‘common mission’ will avoid any conflict. In the event you have a conflict in your family or friends, the best path is learning to love silently through your throat. What I mean by this is instead of choosing harsh words every time you prefer to ‘speak up’, choose to emit love through your throat. Visualize it radiating from the front of your neck, beaming towards the person you’re about to lose it with. Commit to doing this for 10 seconds, and then attempt to redirect the conversation politely. I suspect you’ll be surprised by how well you are received…
- End-goal: Strongly consider what your end goal is from resolution. Is it to be right? Or is it for your ultimate goal/outcome of a happy, loving, and meaningful life? When it’s for the latter, work on resolution, but wait for the time when you’re most rested, just finished having fun, and ideally did some form of physical activity. This is when you’ll be at your best, and if it’s about the long-term it can wait.
You have a choice. You can walk through life ‘reactive’, or you can be ‘proactive’ towards achieving and maintaining your ideal life. Today’s lesson is to be proactive and consider all sides of an issue before addressing it and working on resolution.
Let’s be mindful of our real goals in life.
I’m so grateful for you,
Originally published at drkareem.com on March 8, 2017.