Anger is a very deadly force that hurts us and those around us when we give in to it. Sometimes it is an open, public display; but other times it hides, secretly undermining your life without you even being aware of it. Some people will experience anger with power and strength, and need it to feel like they are still in control of the situations they are facing. Other people think that they have a right to express anger however they want to. If you want to know how to relieve stress , you must know how to deal with your anger.
When we become angry and lose control, we usually lose our ability to wisely respond to situations and people. We need to look at anger in a new way and learn what it really is: then we can start heading in a new direction that will help us defeat anger and feel better while making better decisions. Here are some falsehoods that our anger tells us.
Anger Is Your Choice
Despite how it may feel, anger is not a form of control, strength, or power. It is more like a poison that gives a temporary good feeling, but leaves you feeling unsure and worn out when it wears off. And then we have to deal with the consequences of our little outburst. Anger creates a narrow focus, causes confusion, and stifles our ability to discover a positive solution.
When you start to feel angry, stop what you are doing and take a deep breath, and then look at the big picture. Let the other person be in the right for just a second; look through their eyes, and see what has happened in context. Tell yourself that you can be right later, but right now you need to get the anger under control and let it subside.
Figure Out What Form of Anger You Are Experiencing
Anger is very adept at hiding itself in many different emotions. When you don’t recognize your anger, you end up with behavior that you would never normally do, and that you cannot stop.These behaviors are resulting from anger and need to be identified and dealt with at the source.
There are twenty four kinds of anger: depression, self-sabotage, burnout, gossiping, compulsions, passive aggressive behavior, perfectionism, low self-esteem, lying, hypocrisy, and various addictions. Once you recognize that these are caused by anger, you can start to address them.
Stop Being a Martyr- Get Off the Guilt Train
Most martyrs don’t think that they are martyrs; they think of themselves more as long-suffering, and someone who gives so much more than they receive in return. There is a massive difference between being a giver and being a manipulator; and martyrs manipulate by using guilt.
But using guilt is an anger fulled poison that kills love and affection. When you cause someone to feel guilty, you are hurting them. People who feel guilty themselves don’t like to feel it alone, so they punish others along with themselves. Give up the guilt trip- both in giving and receiving guilt. This is a form of anger that does not help anyone.
Stop Playing the Blame Game
Blaming ourselves and others is a way of expressing disappointment, anger and hurt. This never ends in a positive way. Stop blaming others; this takes away your own power, because you are not in control when someone else is to blame. Take responsibility, and take back control. Take a minute and look at the whole situation through the eyes of the person you are blaming- often your blame will simply disappear because you will realize it has no merit.
Defending yourself from being hurt by others is to have a positive attitude about yourself. This way, the person’s response towards you says a lot about them, but not much about you. When you quit putting the blame on other people, you will start letting go of old grudges and resentments that have kept you captive for so long. Resentment always affects how we feel about ourselves, and it is a perfect example of “you reap what you sow”. Look for, and keep looking until you find, the positive aspects of every person in your life that you have a hard time with. Focus on those good things.
Have Expectations That Are Realistic
Nothing hurts more than a failed expectations. It makes us sad and angry. Being aware of what your expectations are is very important. Is what you expect realistic? If it is a relationship expectation, does your partner have the same expectations, or even know that you have them?
Be rid of fantasies that cannot happen, and you will see how to relieve stress and anger by expecting realistic results from people and circumstances.
Evaluate the people in your life and start to realize just how many ways they give to you. It is easy to take people for granted, and often we don’t even stop to think about or thank them for the many things they quietly do for us.
Take some time to record every day what you receive from people, and be grateful for them. Make thanking these people a point. The more that we tell others how much we appreciate them, the better we feel ourselves.
While you are writing what other people have done for you, also record what you do for other people. You may be surprised. So often we convince ourselves that we are always giving out so much but get so little in return. But when you look daily at what actually has transpired, more often than not we are surprised at just how much we have been given, and how small our giving in return has actually been. And seeing just how much we receive on a daily basis makes anger naturally go away, and pleasure in being so well loved is often the result.
So if you are stressed and angry, take some time to learn how to relieve stress and anger , and then put these methods into practice. You will soon find both your stress and anger going away, leaving peace and tranquillity in its place.