Everything you experience in your life, is in relation to something or someone else. It is in many ways the crux with which you define your individuality and from which you will draw on as reference points. Much of our social behaviour is shaped by and through the relationships we have or do not have and how these impact on our sense of self.
Some relationships are easily identifiable and recognizable, such as family, spouses, children, colleagues, etc and in earlier days, any diverse forms of these were not accepted within society. Even today for instance, many struggle to accept same sex relationships as valid although happily attitudes are changing.
Education and information play a huge role in how we regards and manage our own relationships. So it stands to reason that if the eduction and information is biased or misguiding, then this will impact on the relationships we have, taking them at face value.
There are many more types relationships however than the mainstream ones identified and accepted. There is the relationship we have first and foremost with ourselves. What kind of a relationship do you enjoy with yourself? Is it a happy and healthy one? Is it a judgemental one? Is it one where you don’t feel you are worthy or good enough? All of these points of views are insights into the quality of relating that you have with yourself.
This is important to acknowledge, because the quality of relating that you have with yourself informs everything you do – the way you behave towards yourself and others. And also because very often the baseline for this relationship is learned by you from other people. Until you understand how deep this goes, much of your relating will be bases on and influenced by other people’s beliefs and ideology.
For instance, do you associate your emotional states with physical symptoms in your body? When I first experienced depression, I was given medical and psychiatric support, to ease my mind. There was never mention though of the connection between the numbness I felt and the wealth of emotions of anger and sadness that I had repressed for many years. There was no discussion linking the debilitating migraines that I would experience and the relationship these had to the emotional stress I had felt for many years. Thankfully I had a wonderful ally that cut through all the confusion once I began to listen to it… my body.
The human body is in my opinion one of the most sophisticated and advanced pieces of technology we have at our disposal. Through it, we relate to everything – visible and invisible. It is, I have found, an infallible resource, one we learn to tap into and listen to its hidden wisdom. For the most part, we are taught to refer to our mind for information. Whilst effective, this source of information is limited and dependent for the most part on how much information it’s possible to retrieve from memory. In Cognitive pscyhological circles, it’s acknowledged that the subconscious mind is much larger than the conscious part. Yet no mention is made to the way in which our bodies relate to these informations. The subconscious information is often ‘felt’ via the bodies senses and can be overlooked by the mental senses.
This way of relating with energy is my understanding of intuition. However, unless we are aware of the link between say physical pain and your emotions of say stress, depression, illness, we are at a disadvantage to know where to begin to make changes. And this in turn will impact on and have repercussions on all of our outer relationships with ourselves, others and situations. Of course, the same goes for postitive emotions. If you are happy, then the chances of you hanging out with people who are predominantly unhappy, is slim.
For this reason, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you can have. The extent to which you relate well or not with yourself, will be reflected in all your other relationships and manner of relating. It is how you are connected and go about connecting.
Now perhaps this is obvious to those of you who had a positive and uplifting upbringing. For many however, who did not, this information is important because, once you change and value your relationship to self in positive and uplifting ways, then the majority of your relating and relationships will become a match.
A great place to start is to sit down and identify the qualities that you are looking for in your relationships – with yourself and then others. Set yourself free from the default setting of what a relationship is or supposed to be. Create your own relationship map, then follow that. It will lead you to the kind of relationships you are looking for and want to create. Don’t settle for second best in any relationship, whether personal or professional. Make your relationship with yourself no. 1 … and the best will follow. True love starts at home – in your Heart of Hearts – and You are the key that unlocks the treasure of all relationship in your life.
May you be your own Valentine before any other, so that love may grow strong and true from and through you.
p.s. You may want to read my blog Don’t Overlook This When it Comes to Intimacy – where I explore the role of intimacy in relationship
Originally published at trilbyjohnsontheconnective.com