Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them.
Some people find it hard to know where boundaries exist and when they are pushing their limits when it comes to dating, making conversation, offering advice and living life.
Sometimes it seems more comfortable to live and to be and not have to think about all the gray areas that may beset you. But when it comes to designing the life you want and deserve, you have to start putting boundaries in place to protect your energy and your sanity.
How do you set boundaries? You decide what do you want and what you do not want out of life.
Most get the two confused because they think if they can tell you what they do not want then you can figure out what they do want. Wrong.
It’s as simple as this: If you know you want to be the man in charge, but you don’t want to have to deal with a Nagging Nancy who gives you pushback at every turn, then don’t just say “I want to feel and be in charge.”
Say, “I want a partner who allows me the freedom to be the man and who helps me navigate making the best decisions for myself and my family.” There is a difference.
After you decide what you do and do not want, create a plan that defines how you are going to get what you want. Again, be specific. You may wish to have a lot of money, you may desire your own fishing boat so you can catch trout at your leisure, you may want to be the best golfer on the green but do you want all the responsibility that comes along with being the man who has everything he wants? You’d better.
Make a plan for what you want your days to look like, then focus on the year and five-year plans. Sometimes is much easier to master the minor tasks like getting to work on time or picking your socks up off the floor before you can tackle owning the ranch or building the new home.
Another key to setting boundaries in your life is to eliminate the people and things that do not serve you well.
When you are intentional about your life’s goals, you’ll start to notice that some of the people you know, things you do and the places you spend your time do not add value to your life.
And though it may seem easier said than done, when you have the realization that you are in a different place in your life and it requires more of your energy and intention, you have to surround yourself with those who have your best interest in mind – by word and by action.
Your endless nights at the bar with the boys may have to dwindle to one night a week. You’re relaxing lazily in front of the PS4 for hours on end may have to be shortened. The biggest hindrance to living the life you want it you and your ability to follow-through to work towards what you say you want. Don’t stand in your own way.
Be a man of integrity, stick to your guns and be willing to pull the trigger when necessary. Setting boundaries in your life aren’t really for the people around you; it’s for you.
Working on yourself and fixing those things you know are holding you back from being “the man” is an inside job. No one can do this job for you. When you take charge of your thoughts and actions, the world around you will shift to work in your favor.
Previously Published on Goodmenproject.com