Raising My Awareness – At Peace With My Timeline

Peacock feather is a symbol of awareness, beauty and protection. By going through my timeline, from past to future, my hopes, desires and dreams, I see good and bad memories. I want to make peace and see the beauty from the past using the metaphor of thousand eyes in peacock's feather.

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Peacocks are beautiful! Peacock feather symbolizes beauty, protection and awareness. Do you know that a peacock has thousand eyes on its tail feathers? and eye sounds like I. So, I’m using the thousand eyes of peacock feathers to look at my past, present and future. I see good and bad memories.

When we used to live in a small town near the seaside in East Java, Indonesia, my late father was my ally. I even had a haircut like a boy when I was young because we went to barber’s shop together. He always granted my wishes. I always looked forward to the weekend, “Papa, are you free this Saturday? Let’s go to the forest, see the monkeys and have lunch at a restaurant.” I jumped into his jeep and he drove to the forest. We always visited the same places again and again, beach or forest and I never got bored.

When I was 10, I begged my parents to live in a big city. I didn’t care with whom I would live. I loved the glamour of a big city and my cousins who lived in the city looked cool and smart. They always mocked me that “I was a girl from a village.” I found out that freedom had a cost! I lived with my uncle, my mother’s older brother who had four children and a nephew living all in one place. Living with 5 children can be chaotic in a small house. I had to share bed with them and I always felt hungry because whatever food was provided on the table it was finished before I filled myself. One of my uncle’s daughters was my classmate, and we became competitive. We often got jealous of each other.

Freedom started when I went to the university and we got to choose what we wanted to study. I stayed with my elder sister and we shared the freedom between us rather than among 5 children. I thought I liked engineering. I thought it was in the family because my father’s brother, my uncle whom I admired was a successful engineer in the Netherlands.

However, the job placement didn’t agree with me as I lost the imagined paradise of engineering. Job was boring and stressful! Production and operations were too hectic and we did the same thing over and over again. I had enough of it in four years with two attempts of escape in that timeline.

I had no choice but to continue being an engineer only with a higher degree until i realized that it was actually learning that I was passionate about and not engineering. Somewhere in the middle of that timeline when my enchantment with engineering was still there, I met my soulmate, an engineer. Surprisingly, our lovely daughters don’t want to be engineers. They are infatuated with arts and technology. And we know that engineering has a lot to do with it because we are their parents!

As I discovered my passion for learning I was fascinated by the Internet, coaching and personal development. I also realized that while I was on my journey of learning I could share my learning experience with others. That’s how I became a coach consultant helping my clients to get their businesses online and I became their problem solver for their Internet marketing.

There are a thousand eyes in a peacock’s feathers. Through the peacock’s eyes of beauty, protection and awareness, what I see there – is my desires, hopes and dreams materializing through my perseverance, knowledge, talent and creativity.

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