If anyone asked me a year ago what my passion was, I would have had no idea. I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to do. I went to work, earned good money, looked after kids, exercised, socialised, went on great holiday and was MISERABLE.
I have two beautiful and healthy kids but I was not the kind of Mom who would play with toys and run around care free around the garden. Or, who would happily bake in the kitchen. Or, stay in bed for cuddles and cup of coffee. I was a Mom who would get up at the crack of dawn to go for 2-3 hour run. Get home, rush, shout orders, wind myself &everyone else up. The weekends would be spent organising things and trying to fit everything into my busy schedule. And if something did not conform to my plan, it was dealt with anxiety, stress and shouting.
I always knew deep inside that I was not living the life I was meant to live. There was nothing wrong with it, but I felt like a performer on a big stage, and nobody was watching. It was lonely and tiring but I continued playing the role of a ‘happy’ mom, wife and friend.
The turning point came in 2018 when I was driving 4-5 hours to and from the office. The radio tunes got on my nerves, the job was dreadful and I could not connect with anyone there. But since everything happens for a reason, my reason was to discover Dr Joe Dispenza.
I remember the first time I listened to him. His message resonated with me on some deep cellular level. Audible became my constant companion and I devoured all the books he wrote. I started meditating, listening to workshops, podcasts and was beyond excited to get a place at one week advanced workshop in Brighton 2018.
In Brighton I truly began to understand what meditation is all about and what we can achieve with the power of our minds. I have met people who cured themselves, after mainstream medicine gave up on them. Seeing people who only few days earlier were in the wheelchairs dancing on the stage, made me realise how insignificant my problems were.
I remember doing a walking meditation, walking into my future where I was confident, connected and inspired. I struggled so much to stay focused in that vision as at the time I felt lost, insignificant and emotionally unavailable. But like with anything in life, practice makes it perfect, and I promised myself to rehearse this new confident me every day, no matter what.
When at the end of that week I went home, I knew that my life will never be the same again. I felt the energy inside and all around me like never before. Nothing and nobody was the same anymore and integrating back into ‘real’ world was hell. I felt disconnected from friends and family but was determined to use this newly found way of life for my greater good.
For the first time in my life I understood what passion and purpose mean. I started to realise that I was control of my own energy, even though it did not feel like that sometimes. There were still moments of anger, anxiety and frustration but I was no longer defined by these limitation knowing that these are just the challenges that I needed to overcome.
This journey was unlike anything else I’ve done before. It was not just making external changes and changing habits. Rather, it was deep, gradual transformation in my inner perceptions and beliefs. But as I was changing, I was becoming incompatible with many people in my life. As the old believes no longer served me, it was difficult to find the connection and interests that kept me tied to my relationships and friendships. It was a lonely journey at times but deep inside I knew without any doubt that I was finally waking up.
During this phase, the spiritual part of me began to win and take over. It was so strong, that many of the illusions just began to drop one after the other. Everything in my life has taken a huge hit. My professional life and personal life have gone down the drain. I quit my 6 figure contract and opened a business which enabled me to give back to community.
I invested all of my money in education; social media marketing, law of attraction, public speaking, etc. I developed passion for energy healing as I began to understand and believe in the healing power of the body, mind and soul. But most of all, I realised that in order to change my life, I had to change my energy. By understanding that all possibilities exist in the NOW, there is already a door we haven’t thought of and it is impossible to see the way out of the challenge when looking at it from the same level of mind and thought. By raising our energy and vibration we will eventually find that door and way out of our problems. We just have to show up and push through, no matter what.